Friday, November 9, 2012

Shade doesn't matter

A Letter to my people,

You know what perhaps I should apologize and say that this is no means an attack on you. I even thought of sending out letters to my Brothers and then another to my Sisters but I figure this might be easier...buffet style. 
So allow me to pile a heaping of observation on your plate.

Our little girls. Our young girls. The future of our race. The mothers of our future leaders. They need you. They need you to tell them they are beautiful, they are smart, they can achieve if they believe –
and any other rhyming motivational speech.

Do you realize many of our young girls aspire to be video models? 
Video hoes. None of them aspire to the director of the video or even the stylist on the set but one of the girls in the video.  Have you noticed they (the videos) rarely use dancers…like the-I went to school - studied dance for several years - auditioned for this video with the choreographer & director - then for a week before production practiced-learned the dance - now I am on set actually dancing-one and two and kick ball change, type dancer? The young girl is just gyrating to the beat or back shots are shown as she moves seductively around the room.  The video barely even goes with the song anymore....they are clichéd and they all look alike. 
Where are Hype, Billie, F Gary Gray...sorry I am getting off subject? 
What was I saying...oh…the young girls just want to be the eye candy in the videos.

Why because that's what boys like and I want boys to the like me. Or I wish I had longer hair and lighter skin because that's what the boys like and I want boys to like me. And if you think the dark skin/ light skin drama has gone away...think again…it hasn't.

Okay I know I am "one of the darker sisters on campus" and while I never had a deep seeded issue with it, I recognized as a young girl that I was not what was classified as "beautiful". I did. Guys liked girls that looked liked Gina from Martin. Pam, the browner sister, was the best friend that often got clowned because of her weave. And while I know in my mind this issue is one that has been beaten into my people, I really thought that in 2011 it was one that wouldn't pop up in the middle schools and high schools of today. That is until my pretty little brown cousin asked me “why guys only liked light skinned, thick girls with long hair?”

I was taken aback! I was like- how do you figure that!? And then she quoted Lil Wayne's opening sentence in "Every Girl"... ("I like a long haired thick red bone").   I just shook my head and told her that all guys aren't like that and that is just a song. Some guys might have a preference but also told her that if a guy Only wants to date you based on your skin complexion and not because you are Freakin Awesome- he is a loser. 

Before you jump on my case, read that sentence again; yes if I guy only wants to date someone solely because she is lighter or darker and not give her credit for her personality then he is a shallow loser. What’s gonna happen in the summer time when the lighter gets dark or in the winter time when the darker gets light- we gone break up? Exactly…well she laughed and agreed but then shared with me a story about a friend of hers (a dark sister) and she wanted to "talk" <--remember when we used to say this young man in their class. The young man agreed that that the girl was funny and mad cool but declined. Why...because she was "too dark".
To that I told my little cousin, his loss and he is a loser.

Brothers, you're probably saying oh you being too hard on shorty and perhaps I am but at the risk of losing my pretty little brown cousin-I can get harder. I hope she never hears things like, "you're pretty for a dark girl". Or when a light skinned girl walks by, hear the guys she is hanging out with say "she is ugly, that's a waste of a light skinned girl" as though the notion is light is right and down with brown . In the words of Rodney King, "why can't we all get along"? Sisters you aren't exempt...many of you are just as color struck BUT then will get three quarters pissed at a brother for being struck with that same fever. Shade doesn't matter. Assholes come in all shades but so do charming, incredibly wonderful people. 

Why not recognize that all shades of brown are so beautiful. Caramel, butter pecan, mocha, dark chocolate, etc…It's one of the many things that makes us so unique and oh so beautiful.


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

That Killer P or D

I heard the most crazy, extremely twisted story yesterday. It began with a series of "SHUT UP!!" and "That did NOT happen" but ended with "Oh my God, that is so sad".

The root of the sadness surrounding this story is arguable but I'm going to say it started out with some...coochie. Naw, this was some Killer Pussy. First let me say I don't like the word makes me feel uncomfortable, kind of dirty (but not in a Pussycat Dolls way). Call me a prude but I don't care...I don't like the word. So from here on out when I say Killer P or KP - pussy is what I am referring to.

Now back to business of this Killer P and Killer D.

I remember a time when this guy was like "Baby, Imma put it on you" and to most women that would be a welcomed challenge...uh not me. Lol! I'm serious. I was like, Don't "put it on me" man-I'm good. Just make me feel good and have me remember you there but please don't put it on me. I don't want to go to jail behind your Killer D. I mean- hey I can admit it. I have been sprung before (maybe once or twice). Most people won't admit it but hey, I'm grown and I don't even know if anyone is really going to read this. Anyway, there I was- as sprung as I could be-riding across town in hurricane like weather or loaning out money or taking days off and missing work but NEVER have I done something that was going to have me wearing silver bracelets (not behind the D). No sir and that's because I don't want anyone to "put it on me". I have consoled girls that have had that Killer D put on them. That Killer D will have you so's crazy (refer to my previous blog about sexting).

Oh fellas aren't exempt...Killer P don't have guys doing any better. It'll have you sitting outside her house watching it...waiting for the next dude to show up so you can jump out and beat his ass...and then you going to jail.  Killer P will have you break into her house, ransack it, and then take a shit in her tub (true story)...and then you going to jail. Killer P will have you...hell in some cases kill. Is KP really that good? I mean "dang homie, in high school you were the man homie, what the eff happened to you"...Killer P happened to that guy.

So next time you getting caught up listening to all these songs about "Beating it up", "Lay it Down", "Motivation" etc remember DON'T DO IT! Don't become a victim of the Killer P or D. Stay out of jail.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

You Tubin It

Updated- removed links that no longer work...

You tube is not just for watching puppies bark at their reflections in mirrors or watching babies make faces at their Daddies when they get scared. It's also not just for people to upload silly moments of themselves in hopes of the video becoming viral and then landing them as a feature on Today, Good Morning America, or whatever that other morning news show is that stays on for like four hours each day. I mean really who is watching ALL four hours of these shows? I had a point somewhere...oh here it is.

I like television. There I said it. I always find it funny when people say things like "I don't care for television" because then I wonder what is wrong with me. I mean I have "shows" that I follow...and I would like to believe I am not a slave to the boob tube (maybe to the DVR). But that isn't my point's somewhere around here.

Oh, so in watching television I have noticed the massive influx of reality television shows and quite frankly it's exhausting. I mean you switch the channel from one hot mess to another and you get wrapped up in it and it's easy because people love to watch a train wreck. I mean look at the weight loss shows ratings, Dr. Drew (he keeps getting picked up)- and his celebrities and their rehab or them lil young teen moms, to any show with a derivative of the word wife in it. Whew...exhausting.

I try to support scripted shows. Great writing produces great moments. I mean I grew up when television was still pretty awesome. Cosby Show, Different World, Growing Pains, In Living Color, Benson, Golden Girls, etc.  I mean I watched the Golden Girls like 20 years ago (dang that sounds long ago) and I watched some reruns last week and Still laughed. Great where can we find those great moments once again. Sure there are a few shows still around that have great writing but you have to find them through all the mess. So where else can you search....(my point of all this) YOU TUBE!

I have been telling friends about a few web series that are well written, funny, and relatable. I encourage people to stop looking at the kitten sleeping and check some of these out. If you know of some others-please pass them along.

1. Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl (ABG) has developed quite a following. With one season already posted, fans are anxiously anticipated the second second which begins this Thursday (I am super stoked).

2. Black and Single TV is new. Only about 4 episodes posted. It follows the lives of Oni and Jesse. Two young, single, black professionals that work in the same building and are seemingly perfect for one another BUT they never meet- they intersect each others lives at various moments. I hope they eventually meet but then again I don't. The writer/director Jay Ali, also a Hollywood actor, felt compelled to create the show because he didn't like how African Americans were being portrayed on network television- basically poor writing, production and a rise in hot mess reality television (my description, not his).

3. Black and Sexy is another new series. A homeboy put me onto this show. And surprise you may see a familiar face (if you looked at ABG like I told you to). Black and Sexy is a bit different as it runs two different story lines- The Couple and The Number plus they have skits intermingled (please check out Hang Up! Ditto). Oh and the creators of the series have a movie "A Good Day to be Black & Sexy". You can check out new episodes every Sunday 7pm Eastern/4pm Pacific.

There's more...
Here is one from across the pond-
Brothers With No Game these brothers even have their own website/blog

One starring one of the stars of Pariah & Friday Night Lights-Aasha Davis
The Unwritten Rules

Happy viewing! 6/12/12

Monday, June 11, 2012

Spare the rod...Spoil the news story

Okay I'll say...I feel bad for Creflo Dollar. Yeah that's what I said- I mean just this week though.
I do because he has just become the poster child/man of black men beating on their kids. But need not worry because tomorrow and especially this coming Sunday, we will be talking about the black men that don't take care of their kids at all. I guess a black man is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.

Honestly I am not understanding...I mean...well I guess I am not understanding why this has gotten so much press. I've read blogs from those opposed to spanking but let me just say this all those opposed to spanking- let's face it at 15 hell naw you don't get spanked- you get handled. I'm sorry but it's true. Or maybe that was my house. And at 15, iffn at 1 am, I told my mother I was going out- well she would laugh because obviously I was auditioning for Def Jam. And if I told her I don't want to talk to her right now then I would have probably had the taste slapped out my mouth (that's only happened to me once and it takes a few hours for the taste to return-think hangover with a hand print).

Those for spanking as a form of discipline- hey Right on. Okay seriously, only you know your child. Only you will know if the punishment method, taking the car, phone, television away is working. I think it's still called being grounded right. And if grounding your child has resulted in zero results then hey you know you are going to have to reevaluate your strategy. And vice versa. If all you do is spank, snatch some of those privileges away and see if you get better results. Again- you know your child.

Keeping it real, do I really think he punched his daughter in the face...not really. Do I really think he probably wanted to...oh yes sir. My sister is 30 years old that there are times when I know my daddy wants to punch her in the face behind some of the things she says. But he doesn't. He walks away and has some back medicine. People have been comparing Creflo to Chris Brown, Ike Turner...look we don't know what happened that night but to call the man an abuser-I think it's pretty harsh. Yet that's what we do. We take the private moments, seconds that cannot be returned and wage an all out battle in decency and morality all the while never holding the mirror to our own faces.

I have read comments where someone said, we forget teenagers are people too which is a bold face lie. No we don't- that's why they are still alive (duh). Some tenagers tend to forget that we are adults. I have been around teenagers and the things they say make me blush and I'm like hey an adult is present you might want to watch your mouth and your tone. Teenagers don't respect adults because they are too busy trying to act like one.

I am not saying that we need to go around beating on teenagers or choking them out even though I am sure there are some residents in Chicago that would disagree. Disciplining your child doesn't always involve a strap or a slap sometimes your child can move because you applied some bass to your voice. But hey, all kids aren't like that and that's normal. Some like to test the tell them the stove is hot and they still touch it just to make sure. That's life. *And the stove is this situation literal or figurative*

Lastly, I hope that this situation brings the Dollar (wait a minute, can we all agree that is a funny name) family together and not further divide them. I hope it makes families look at themselves, maybe not so much in comparison but ask okay what could have been done differently. Have open dialogue with teenagers and ask their opinions about the situation. Oh and don't worry about this story being around won't. By the time the real story or better details surface- we will be on the another story. Stay prayed up TD and Joel (I mean since the devil is targeting mega church pastors he is almost done in Atlanta and might be heading to Texas).

Peanut Butter & Jelly

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Assure then Reassure

Often times men say women are complicated. Women don’t know what they want and honestly on some cases they are right (lol). I do think that men fall into the ‘video vixen’ belief. First they want their girl friend, shorty, boo, whatever to look like she just walked off the set of a G-Unit video. Look guys we know you don’t have Fifty’s dollars. We know you aren't cashing CEO checks like Jay-Z so don’t think we are gonna be Beyonce fly all the time…okay now that I have that out of the way lemme break something down.

I am going to give you a little secret about women and that’s not a secret…you don’t follow? Okay lemme try to break it down some more. Some of the things a woman desires aren’t a secret. Usually they are things that she has said to you over and over-you just have to pay attention.

It’s the little things. Yes a woman likes to be wined and dined. Shopping sprees, new this or that…you know on some throw it in the bag type game BUT we know that this is real life and everybody don’t have it like that. Now of course the offering to carry a bill one month is always a nice touch; but you can go smaller and still win points.

First- Listen to your woman. When I say listen to her, I mean really listen to her. Do you realize that all day at work, unless she is running her own business, your woman has to fight to be heard? Even the smallest things like what to eat for lunch (lol). She wants to be heard; longs for it so when she comes home and talks to you…listen. Remember this because it will help you in the long run. While you are listening to her, rub her feet (lol) but really you should participate. Active listening is a plus. 

Second- Make her laugh. If I don’t know anything I know that a sense of humor is sexy! Very sexy. I could look at Common’s beautiful, sexy, caramel complected, self all day (hmmm-sorry I had a moment) but if that joker couldn't make me laugh I would drop him in a hot (365 days) second. Seriously look at Chris Rock-Look at him! This is a guy who played one of the most memorable crack heads in motion picture history, but he can make you laugh. How else do you think he got his wife…Look at her!
Need another example…Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy. She is a former Playmate. He used to play Fire Marshall Bill.
Tom Green and Drew Barrymore (she married that dude and gave him a part in Charlie’s Angels). Need something closer to home, okay. Look at your boi from around the way and look at his girl. Your dude, he working but he always broke…now look how his lady holds him down. He making her ass laugh!

Third- Get out of the house. No not to a club or even a restaurant…how about go for a walk. It’s a great way to exercise and de-stress (and allows for more communication). And if a woman is stress-less you know what that means…nudge-nudge…wink-wink.

Fourth- Bring home a movie she’s been talking about renting (this is when that listening plays off). The movie, some popcorn and a bottle of wine (I like Moscato) makes for a great night and maybe even a happy ending (even if the main character dies...nudge-nudge...wink- wink).

Now I am going to go a little deeper, say you messed up. I mean you messed up royally and you are trying to make amends. Okay well you are gonna have to apologize. And then apologize for apologizing. Next in the words of Charlie Wilson, “if you just show me you love me, you don’t have to say a word”, show her that you are serious. Show her that you want to be with her. Right now you are going to have to assure and reassure her that you are sincere in your actions (and your words).You could go out and spend all your money and depending on the person, it may work but usually it’s only a temporary fix. I mean, she just aint going to trust you, any time soon. Hell she may not even like you but that is when you just keep apologizing. You might feel like dang either forgive/forget or I’m out…but don’t say that-because she might tell you to step. If she is worth it and you are worth it… things will work out. If not then you might want to pack your lil raggedy duffle bag and step (lol). 

Try some of these things for your lady or the lady you want in your life. Try them...if none of these work, I'll buy you a shot (of reasonably priced liquor).

Peace and Peanut Butter!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

"Think like a Man"? Ummm why?

I'd like to first say this isn't a diss of the movie or book, this piece is merely referring to the usage of the phrase, Think Like a Man. 

I've had several conversations with guys over the years and often I've heard this phrase "I wasn't thinking". Is this what we should do? Become mindless zombies? I mean let's be honest, who really "think"? They can't even remember to change the toilet paper roll, put the seat down or wipe down the counter. So how can we deduce they actually think? 

So Yes, you should act like a lady but you should also be *hey, come closer* a lady knows when to shut her mouth. A lady who knows when to bring the bitch out. A lady who knows who she is, what she deserves, and what she will accept (basically her compromises). But thinking like a man, might get you in some trouble.  

Again this is about the phrase-this not about the book or the movie.  

Ladies if you have ever been cheated on, raise your how did you find out? Was it a confession? Did the 'other woman' call you? Or did your man's lack of thinking and your deductive reasoning pretty much clue you in on what was going on? Or did something he say or do make you roll up to his house at 1am to see who was up in dat mudda chucker? Oh it didn't...yeah me either.  

Anyway...I think women should just think like they have some common sense. Or better yet think about their mother...follow me now. Most people believe their mothers deserve someone that will be kind and caring, respectful, decent and good to them. Why should you want anything less (common sense). If your momma had a string of dirtbags, you saw what they did to her and you would pray that a good man would come into her life- why should you be any different (common sense). Demanding respect doesn't make you a bad person, just one w/common sense.  

Look, you are a wonderful person and if you are waiting for someone to pass that on to you then I encourage you to talk to yourself more often. Gitcho ass in the mirror and say "even when imma mess, I still put my vest with a S on my chest- shit I'm a Superwoman!" Or "I am beautiful no matter what they say" Or hell one of Beyonce's, Tina's, India's, Natasha's (love Unwritten), claim your own anthem. 

Know all the words to "I'm every woman" not just "No hands". Adapt an Aretha you want to sing "Natural Woman" when you think about your man or "Do Right Woman"?  

Knowing you are "Superwoman", "Beautiful", or hell every woman doesn't mean be a stuck up bitch, it means that you know enough to validate yourself so you aren't waiting on the curb for the first Slick Dick Willie to smile at you and tell you that. 

Now if that's thinking like a man then I co-sign but to's thinking like you have some common sense. 

Thursday, May 3, 2012

It's my money! And I want it now!!

I think it’s safe to say that everyone has debt (if you don’t congratulations) which they think about often.  You may think about it when you are paying your bills each month or when you get a threatened phone call from an 866 number. But I would like to say that nothing, nothing can get me to think about my debt until I think about the people that owe me money. Or when I see or talk to the people that owe me money and they telling me about some new shit they just brought. Or some new trip they just went on. Or…oh, oh, oh how they mad because someone owes Them money- say what sucka?

Now I am well aware of the saying, if you can’t afford it then you should loan it out. Weeeeell when I gave the money I was in a position better than what I am right now. It’s like I was a franchise QB then and now I'm Terrell Owens. Man, just gimme my money.

Now I am well aware that some may say, consider that money gone. You didn’t loan it you actually gave it to them. And to them I say, you should punch your kindergarten teacher in the face because L doesn’t sound like G. It don’t…sound it out…I’ll wait. L, L, Loan me said amount. G, G, Give me said amount.  See the difference?

Now I am well aware that some may say, maybe they forgot. Maybe you need to remind them? And to them I say, put your hand up, draw it back, and then slap the shit outta yourself. You never forget where you got money from…because it enables you to remember who & where to return to if you need more. Don’t you know where all the ATM’s are within a 5 mile radius of your house? And I bet you even know the ones that don’t charge a fee or the ones that still shell out $10. Your ass doesn’t need a calendar alert. Man, just gimme my money!

I would also like to note that when I talk about owing money I am not talking about $20 or even $200…I’m talking $500 and up. I’m not venting but rather piggy backing off of something I saw yesterday on a friend’s Facebook status. She noted that why is it, when people pay you back (first let’s say a thank you and give a hand clap because you got your money back) they do so with an attitude? I mean did I have an attitude when I wrote that check out or transferred that money or put that cash in your hand? Man, just gimme my money.

Experiences of the past, 6 years have learned me real good- do not loan or give people money. Just don’t do it! You’ll only cause yourself grief.  I would also like to note that…

I learned back in 2000 to not borrow money from people. Yes about 12 years ago. I asked someone I considered my brother to borrow money; he gave me the money but then he clowned me in front of some people about it.  I remember leaving the gathering, rolling to the ATM, returning and putting the money in his hands. See I have enough clown worthy traits, my brokenness should be left alone.  So I don’t ask for money…if I do it’s a rarity. I will go without or go work the pole but I’m not going to ask anyone for it.

I know at some point you should take the L and say the hell with it and to that I say (say it with me now) Man, gimme my money!!!!!!

Monday, April 23, 2012

I had a dream (not about MLK)

What do you want to be when you grow up? Remember that question? At what age do you realize that is the scariest question in the world? Well I am 34 and it just hit me. Let me tell you a story...hey where you going?! This is not going to be one of my long posts. For sit down and listen...

So a co-worker and I were chatting about her 9 year old son and a question he asked his aunt. He innocently asked, "Auntie when you were a kid, what was your dream" she replied "I wanted to move to New York and become a writer". He asked her what happened. She said I have a baby and then life. He reminded her that her baby was now an adult so what was stopping her and she couldn't answer him. How do you tell a 9 year that my dream got sucked outta me and now I am just living and trying to make it the best life I possibly can even though...

Hell I didn't even try to live my dream so I don't know if I would have made it or not (that is another story for another time and some brown liquor). This is scary to me. That one day my nephew will ask me what my dream was when I was a child and then...what happened.

Yeah that's all I got.

Oh what maybe I will say when I was a kid I had one dream but as I grew up my dreams changed and as I accomplished each dream...more dreams were created <---haha see what I did there.

Night yall and sweet dreams

Stop the insanity

Black women are afraid to work out because they don't want to sweat their hair out. . Bigger women are more excepted.They are lazy.

Whoever keeps saying this mess needs to stop but more important- shuddup. Obviously people who say this have never served in the Armed Forces, played sports, or gone to the gym- we in there! We are also walking in the parks, running on trails, and even in yoga classes (some brave ones are in the hot yoga class).

Look does it irk me that since I have cut my hair that a ponytail is no longer an option so I have to wear a scarf while working out because I want my hair to be bearable the next day (and I get dirty looks from people)...yes? But you know what else irks me- my pants not fitting. My blood pressure going up. Wheezing walking up a flight (a. flight.) of stairs. So if I weigh my is more important than sweating my hair out.

Sweat is your fat crying and I give mine a good cry at least three times a week.

Do I forego a work out sometimes because of my hair...yes (again it's short and I sweat like a hooker-in church-and her main client is the preacher and the head deacon). But as a woman of color, that does work out and knows many other women of color that work out it can be a hard pill to swallow when all you hear is that we don't. There will always be those that don't work out (or feel they don't need to) but they are not the battle cry for ALL of us. Give me a good mix of music pumping through my headphones and I can give you 2 maybe even 3 miles. Put someone entertaining or motivating in front of me and I can give you 45 mins of a class. I also know many women that work out with Shawn T (I can't get passed his voice-sorry) -is that Insanity or P90x- either way...they getting it in.

Stop lumping, clumping, and dumping on us...our thighs are already in charge of that (and doing a real good job).

Peace, Blessings, and Sweat!

Monday, April 16, 2012

Party Rocking

So this past weekend I did something I haven't done in about two years (no not have sex-lol)...I went to the club. Not a bar...but an actual club. I came to the realization that despite what I previously believed and tell people, the reason I don't club has nothing to do with my's because I didn't graduate from my anger management course <--I will hit on that later.

Let me give you a back story, so the Army is like college, the Real World, and Jersey Shore all rolled up into a job and a paycheck every two weeks. We partied all the time. Wednesday night- Happy Hour (at one place). Thursday night- Happy Hour (at another place). Friday- partying in the barracks or someone's house. Saturday- CLUB! And on Sunday we are in rehab; drinking plenty of water to prepare for PT in the morning and repair damage we caused. Awww...good times. Around 27 I think, I got into bars. I like bars. You can get a waitress and you can have a real conversation. You aren't screaming over the music and nodding like you hear what the other person is saying...when really- you don't.

So I got the offer to hang out and I was like wow, sure. I mean I hadn't been out in a minute so I was game. Yeah someone actually wants to hang out with meeeeeeee!

Let me just say that the club...has changed. Oh where to start. So when I used to club you either work a spanx worthy dress or a low cut top and some jeans. Top off with cute shoes. Now, oh no the attire is as diverse as the crowd. I know I saw some bridesmaids dresses up in there (I am an avid watcher of Say Yes to the Dress). Now granted there was what looked like a bridal party in there but other than them...I saw some SYTTD-Bridesmaids dresses. I saw very uncomfortable looking shorts, cargo pants, sun dresses, some Kardashian type dresses...and a security guard with button back pockets. I felt the need to talk about these pockets are dudes wearing jeans like this? I mean hey can you chase someone down with them tight ass jeans on? And are dudes wearing jeans with button back pockets? No really?

What hasn't changed is dudes and the lame ways they try to cop a feel. Now look, I have done a whole bunch of groping in the club. You walk past a guy and turn to face his massive chest and act like the only way you can get past him is to feel ALL UP on that massive chest "oh excuse me, excuse me". I have felt up backs and yes some fronts but these guys were willing participants. So when the drunk guy with the loosey goosey hands started making his way around I'm like fool I see you and what you are doing. And then he makes his way in my personal space and what does he do, touch my pretty round mound. Now while I wanted to step on his foot with my heels...I didn't. I did grab His butt though. Then told him I know you aren't that drunk and told his friend "get your boi". Thus bringing up my anger management issue.

My sister told me that clubs aren't my thing because I'm old and I have PTSD. I am not old nor do I have PTSD (not severe at least). I just don't like people in my personal space (uninvited) nor do I enjoy people BUMPING into me. I mean really, you aren't that drunk and all you have to is throw up the universal sign for "my bad"- put your hands up and mouth "my bad". That's all I'm asking. See you bumping me and now I'm hot. Not angry but hot...dang the temperature is like on hell up in this piece. <--another reason my sister called me old.

Now I don't want to make it seem like I didn't enjoy myself because I did. My crew was great- especially since they asked me to hang. The DJ was killing it. The crowd, when they weren't bumping me, was cool. Drunk people provide such great laughable moments. Towards the end of the night there was almost a dance battle-lol.

I just hope that the next time I make it to the club it hasn't changed too much.

Rock on.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Crying behind vs Crying over

I love music and it often speaks to me. It can break down how I am feeling, give me encouragement and sometimes musically illustrate a situation I am going through in a way that shocks me.

When I heard Chrisette Michelle’s “Blame it on me” it came at a point in my life when I really needed to hear it. I was holding onto something that was long dead. I mean it’s like you’re at the point where you know that the other person doesn’t want to be there and the other person knows that you know- they don’t want to be there.  When that song said, “Blame it on me, say it's my fault. Say that I left you outside in the cold with a broken heart. I really don't care, I ain't crying no more, say I'm a liar, a cheater, say anything that you want as long as it's over”. Like we are going to break up, I’m going to say it’s over and if people ask you what happened? You can blame it on me. I’m cool with that because I have done the best I could. I mean I am fighting myself because he is sitting on the sidelines, looking at the cheerleaders= meaning he isn't even in the game anymore. You get to a point where you are crying behind a guy or you are crying over a guy. 
You just have to know where you are…I’ll explain.

When you are crying behind a guy, there is usually another party. Whether it’s another woman (or man-hey it’s happened), his family, his friends, his raggedy friend with curly hair that’s always calling talkingboutsome hey man let’s go out. Let’s go to the spot. Curly haired mutha…oh my bad, where was I? Crying behind something he did, something he said, etc… you may break up for a hot second but eventually you get back together.


When you cry over a guy…you know it’s over-hence the phrase. “Crying over”, you are crying over him. Crying over the demise of a relationship. Crying over the fact that you two are Not getting back together because it…is…over.  You are just *sigh* heartbroken. You are physically ill, emotionally drained. You are either going to eat everything or nothing at all. You are going to sleep or not sleep. Every little thing triggers tears. For me, I’ll be honest, it was really bad. I could be at work and the air would move and my eyes would water. I would have to make it to the bathroom before the tears started falling down my face. I was really heartbroken. I’d never experienced pain like that before. I mean I thought I had, but no this was a new pain. Like it felt as though my heart had cracks in it and I could feel the cold air seeping through those cracks. This pain was new and different because not only was it caused by someone I had truly loved but by one I thought really loved me. I mean we were going to build a future and he pretty much told me I don’t give a shit about you. But see I’m not going to say that to you but I am going to do you one better and Show you with my actions. Sap sucker...oh wait there I go again. I'm back.

See I didn't think I would be able to climb out of that dark hole…I lost like 25 pounds. Oh but see I aided in my depression. I mean you know how we do…I got Brian McKnight’s “One Last Cry” on replay. I’m listening to Jennifer Holiday sing about “Giving up” and getting hit with the deep shoulder cry. You know the one, where your shoulders bounce up and down and the cry gets caught in the back of your throat. Pitiful!

BUT…I learned from that…and with help, I moved on from that dark place.  And then I changed my music selection. I stopped torturing myself with Brian, Sade, John, Kelly, Jason, Jennifer…etc and began to hear music that added a lil pep to my step like hey you are going to “Regret” the day you left me. And even if that joker doesn’t miss me or doesn’t regret the day…HEY I don’t care. This is my therapy.  I'll hold on to that, I do believe that he knows he effed up and knows he won’t find another woman like me -he might spin that and say good but we ain’t asking him so it doesn’t matter. 

Please help me out

I'm trying to test something out soooo...since you are on here. Could you just click on the ad to your right (facing the screen) or the one at the bottom of the screen. You can immediately close the window once it opens. I'm just trying to test something out.


Oh and a new post will be up later today.

Peanut Butter & Jelly

Friday, April 6, 2012

"She Ratchet!"

Ratchet: to start acting a hot mess in public; serious fuckery, tomfoolery, or other such shenanigans; to be ghetto. to be unclassyAdjective: it describes a person or activity that is out of hand, out of control, or generally whack in some way.

I know that I can come across as a classy, dignified and sofisifated (I realize I spelled this wrong, just in case the spelling police hit my page) lady but...I have another side.*Shaking my head in shame* I love ratchet things. Okay now I do have my limits but sometimes I do get caught up on and for a bit I was all about the Real Housewives of Atlanta. I don't watch anymore because that deserves a stamp of "When Ratchness Goes Wrong". I do however occasionally watch Mob Wives <---but those ladies are hood and not ratchet and from what I understand, there is a difference. And although I detest what the shows stand for…sometimes I can get sucked into Basketball Wives/Love and Hip Hop. I can be so weak *tear, tear*

*Disclaimer* I don't wear kanekalon wet and wavy #4 plus #1b, in a ponytail all down my back while sporting green contacts and sweatpants with juicy written across the butt topping it off with a cut off shirt with BITCH bedazzled on it all the while popping on some bubblicious bubble gum- watermelon flavored.

My ratchetness is really lies with music. Some of it…I really love. I fall victim to the Chris Rock, “if they beat is right, she’ll dance all night” syndrome.  It’s something about those beats or the cadence of the chorus and then BOOM I find myself singing right along with it “Cake, Cake, Cake, Cake, Cake”. Now some people may say think this music is something new…but it really isn't. I had to do some soul searching and I came to the realization that I was a fan of ratchet music before we even started calling things ratchet. Hell for a minute we called in Miami Bass. Really, Luke is like the Godson (the Godfather would be those nasty ole men of the blues- looking at you Clarence Carter) of ratchet music…exhibit A “Hey we want some pussy” <--that still makes me blush and that song came out what, over 20 years ago?

It doesn’t stop there, other infamous ratchet “themes”- DJ Quick’s “Bitch better have my money” or Akinyele’s “Put it in your mouth” (1996). There are more… Khia had us All telling guys “lick it now, lick it good” <--she wasn’t talking about envelopes or stamps either. And then remember Hurricane Chris- he had a whole song about being ratchet-he wanted to start a ratchet movement (I don’t know, but he may have succeeded).  It’s just, back in the day, we only heard these songs in clubs or through the headphones of our walkman (haha remember walkmans- sorry). Now all you have to do is turn on the radio and “Make it Rain Trick” or “Toot it and Boot” can blast through your speakers courtesy of your local radio station.

Now before people think this is an old head complaining about this overtly sexually explicit music of today…press pause-I’m not.  (press play) I understand why it’s out; it gets the people going and that translates to downloads, albums sales and Dollars; so I know it’s not going away. And honestly…I’m glad. A sister needs something to jam to on her way home from work (I just have to remember not to pull up at church blasting 2 Chains- I got some dirty looks last time).


Thursday, March 22, 2012

The new______ of 2012

I am about to make some people upset with me but my prayer and desire is not to ignite anger towards me but to make you look at the bigger picture. If you find anger in your heart for me, I pray that you take that anger and you channel it to something positive. Perhaps conversations with your family, your church, your 

The recent events surrounding the death of Trayvon Martin are tragic. This child's death was terrible.
The circumstances...heartbreaking.

The 911 call...I couldn’t listen; the transcript was enough for me to realize that the last seconds of this child's life were filled with fear and perhaps the ultimate realization that he was not going to see his family again...all because of a snack attack for skittles.

George Zimmerman isn't an evil man (I don’t even think the guy is a racist)...what he is, is a man who based a life changing decision-on a stereotype. He is a man that was trigger happy...overzealous and really when it comes down to it…immature. You can add idiot for good measure. Why? It has been reported that George did the right thing, he called 911 and then when the dispatcher told him to stand down he didn’t ßidiot. Let’s say Martin was armed…that’s it. Let’s just say Trayvon was actually casing the home with intent to rob and harm those inside…so you run outside? Call me what you want but I’m gonna stay inside…hiding…in a closet…with a screwdriver…whispering on the phone-but I digress.

Along with all being trigger happy, overzealous, etc, unfortunately for him (I am sure this is the first time he ever would think this)...he is white. Now being white might be helping with the fact he hasn't been charged (along with being a resident of Florida but I will get into that later) but other than that...right now...being white is killing him. He being white is the only reason this case has made national news. Yup, I said it. Many people want to use scenarios saying what if Martin was a white boy and Zimmerman was a black man...but let's flip it and say what if both parties were black? What if Martin was slain by a black Zimmerman. Do you know what would look like...another day in a major city.

Click on this link…I’ll wait (but come back!).

Where is the rally for them? Where is the hashtag twitter trend for them? Now some of these killings may have been associated with lifestyle but not all (especially not that six year old baby).

WAIT! Please! I don’t want you to walk away and feel as though my heart doesn’t weep for this family because yes this could happen to anyone. As someone who has lived long enough to see injustice and how warped people can be. I have also seen my share of pop up causes. Actions…where we are like pitbulls on a new kitten...jaws locked and grip super tight and then poof- nothing. So my question is what happens next? We march. We wear hoodies. We call white people devils. We have the family on every major media outlet and George Zimmerman get’s charged. He goes to trial. He gets convicted of murder (well probably man 1). Zimmerman goes to jail and then…what? The intra-racial crime rate for Blacks and Browns will still be higher than the interracial crime rate.

Are we going to use this child for “likes” and “reposts” on Facebook or retweets on twitter? Are we going to have real conversations about Black Men in America, with our Black Men and Boys? Nope, we won’t. And that is also a tragedy. We are going to make Trayvon Martin the 2012 Troy Davis (NO ONE talks about him anymore). Trayvon will be the 2012- JENA 6. And then next year or even later on this year…we will be talking about something else. It’ll be over.

On another note (and one that is increasingly getting notice) the state of Florida and its voters are just as to blame as George Zimmerman with this Florida “stand their ground” Legislature. They should have known this was going to stir up controversy and since its inception it has…just not on this level. Welcome back in the news (again) Florida! 

Lastly, I wonder how many people know if the “castle doctrine” is in their state? 
Could they become the next person to fall victim to this Swiss cheese holed legislature?  
Well let me help you out…

Monday, March 19, 2012


21 July 2010

Day becomes night
Night becomes dark cloaked in memories and realization.

I never thought I'd be the cynical type
The he only saying that because he want something type-
The Rose Royce, love doesn't live here anymore type.

As day becomes night
Night becomes dark and
I am alone with my thoughts,
I realize that
This is what I have become.

Sad state and affair abound 
because like an old R&B song "I'm going down"
and although I try to remember the girl I once was...
My memory is cloudy
And all I see are outlines and shadows.

Day becomes night
Night becomes dark
And I can't remember me.

*I remember*

Friday, March 16, 2012

Tongue Tied

 Do you find it harder to speak to someone once it has turned romantic versus just a simple friendship?
Well hell join the club.

I am that "girl". You know the with all the guys. Can laugh and burp around them. Not afraid to tell them they have food in their teeth or when their breath stinks. I am "oh that's just Tee Jay" and I am cool with that. Of course sometimes, I have to reign them in and remind them I am a woman but all in all, I am comfortable with this uniform I chose to put on. Now you would think this would make it easier for me to talk to doesn't. When it comes to talking to a guy on a romantic level...I feel like a nerd in an 80's teen movie except I don't get cooler as the time progresses.

I have to think about what I am going to talk about-seriously. I rehearse the conversation in my head. There have been times when I would have several different responses to said conversation,so I could be prepared...yes these were in my head <--and no, I am not crazy. Well just a little...I don't know maybe not... It's weird. I know of three guys I could call right now and have a easy breezy conversation with. Shoot it may last for 30-45 mins...laughing and everything.

If I were to call someone I was interested would be very different. I always feel that when I am talking to them...the stakes change. Feelings are involved. I should be on my best behavior...I don't want him to see me as one of the guys. I usually can't sit still. I pace back and forth...I am so embarrassed to reveal this.

I remind myself Do Not Burp out loud (cause maaaan I'm good-sorry). 
When/If he burps it's not a competition (even thought secretly it is). 
Don't snort (when I laugh)! 
Don't be hella sarcastic (super hard). 

Now some people are thinking right now..."well you are changing yourself, you should be you"...And to them I say- Shut the hell up. I'm being me...just an awkward, baby calf learning to walk version. When you start a new job, are you "you" day one? Hell naw or you wouldn't have gotten hired. You slowly introduce your office to your loud unprofessional music and ringtones (Did your phone just say, "Slap a nigga head"?). You slowly let them know that you arrive whenever it is convenient for you (8 am is too early). And they learn to adapt or you get fired...that is how things are.

Some people are like well if I am going to date you or I'm interested in you...then I wanna be your friend first and to that I say "HAHAHAHAHA! Please stop!!" Let's keep it pimping, they're people that you meet and being their "friend" is the furthest from your mind. Even if you want to date the person you are not thinking about being their "friend" <---that's the zone you don't want to visit or get caught wanna know how to get them drawers. Hey it is what it is, I didn't make it that way.

 **Of course you want your significant other to be your friend and you should court and get to know one another ** 

Still for's difficult. I am working on it. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I fall flat on my face. Sometimes I put myself in the friend zone because I forget that I should be trying to show romantic interest and not adding another person my bropack (membership is filled). 
Look, I don't have any homespun wisdom to leave you with. Sometimes the person is just as nervous as you are...even if they look calm and I don't know.  Hell if you have some tips please pass it along-lol. I will say this...we are going to be okay. Someone out there loves us and the way we get tongue tied.

Now if you excuse I have a phone call to rehearse...I mean make.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Women Issues #21

Don't you hate it when you are mad at someone and they don't know you are mad at them...and even though you drop subtle hits they still don't get that you are mad! And then they gone ask you if you mad and when you say "No" they still didn't pick up that you were in fact actually upset with them. I mean didn't you see my face? Didn't you see how I cut my eyes? Haven't you noticed how quiet I got?! Yes I am mad and I get even more upset by the minute because you haven't figured that it out yet!
Maaaan some people are just slow.

**If you are nodding your head in agreement (saying yes and Amen like you are in Sunday service) then you  obviously can't detect sarcasm. And that makes me wonder if you have understood any of my posts or if you are here to throw shade...Look people aren't mind readers (okay I should rephrase that because I can actually read minds...but then again I am not a person. I can't tell you what I am; I have already divulged too much).
If I ask you if you are upset and you say "No" and three days later you bring up the issue...please don't get mad when I give you my GTFOH face aka "get the f^ck outta here" face. Learn to express not repress your feelings. If you need to table the issue and bring it back up at a later date then say that...don't say, "No" when there is something wrong.

Yup just another random thought...I know what you are thinking and I am going to do that right now. Oh you weren't thinking I should go and get a sure? You positive? You just don't want to admit it because it would freak your mind...I understand. And you're welcome.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Dr. James is in the house...

So, I just finished watching a Sex in the City marathon, He's just not that into You and reading Act like a Lady, Think like a Man plus a bunch of Maxim, Cosmo, Glamour, King, and FHM magazines. Shoot people call that girl from What Chilli Wants and Steve Harvey relationship experts so you know what...I feel as though I am now a qualified relationship expert.

Dr. James is in the house...the (Tough) Love Doctor-brahahahaahaa

Dear Dr, I am dating a guy that never takes me anywhere. The only time we see each other is late at night when he comes to my house after the club. On the weekend its hard for me to get in contact with him. I text and he doesn't text back. I call and well same thing. I know he does me wrong...but I love him. What should I do. 'In love with Mr. Wrong'

Dear In Love, 1st stop using a Mary J Blige song to justify your situation. If you are going to need a song pick Be Happy and live by that. 2nd recognize that you are Not dating this guy, you are sleeping with him and um yup that's about it. 3rd it's time for you to make a big decision...continue to allow this destructive behavior-because you are the one allowing it-or cut sling load. Cut him off. Does he bring any value to your life (don't count things that a battery operated device can do)? How does he they make you feel. How do you feel when you're around him? How about when he leaves?  *tough love* He is treating you the way you want to be treated because you are allowing it. Each time you open that door, you are saying I am fine with how things are.

Time for you to put your big girl drawers on and make a tough decision. 

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Maaaaaan that didn't happen

You ever been around someone or better have a friend that whenever they start to talk your bullshit meter hits full...quick?! Or you have to give them the "I am so interested in what you're saying" face but in your head you are thinking maaaaaan that didn't happen.

So I am at dinner with friends...we out celebrating life, love, happiness and the wonders of the world. So we started talking about something... oh Chris Brown. I was trying to make a point about him being is young but more important he needs better people in his corner. I referenced the Good Morning America interview and how he didn't know, I guess, how to get the interview back on track. Blah, blah, blah, he flipped out afterwards...blah blah blah.

I say that most entertainers have their publicist give the network/magazine/interviewer/etc a list of  "off limit" questions and or topics. I brought up the interview Oprah and Elizabeth Taylor. I was like Oprah said it was so difficult because Liz wouldn't answer certain questions, even though Oprah asked them (knowing full well they were off limits). And how Liz was visibly upset BUT she didn't trash any dressing rooms when it was over...she just shut down during the interview.

I know I'm rambling but I am trying to paint a picture here. I'm getting to the good part (I promise).

So one of my dinner companions was like yeah and then another time she interviewed her, Oprah found out that Elizabeth Taylor sat on the board of the KKK. Oprah had on the perfume White Diamonds and stopped mid interview to go and take a shower and told her she would never be allowed back on her show.

Uh huh so you mean that Elizabeth Taylor...woman who claimed Judaism as her religion (that means she was a Jew) was on the board of the KKK. Uh huh...I mean I don't claim to be an expert on the KKK but I don't think they like Jews. And you mean the KKK had a Woman...sit on their board <---and what is this board you speak of?
Now while I don't claim to have seen Every episode of Oprah, I have seen a bunch and I really don't remember this one. Perhaps because it never happened but hey, who am I to say it didn't *blank stare*

If you could have seen the faces of the rest of my dinner companions while this story was being told. Some haven't mastered the "I am so interested in what you are saying" face like I have. A few had the "shut the hell up" face on or "you are such a liar" face...I even saw a "where is the waitress, cuz Imma need a drink to believe this mess" face. It was a mess! Eventually after the crickets stopped we went ahead and closed that topic because we couldn't bear to hear about something else that...well, didn't happen.

Yup that's it...some of these posts will be random because that's the name of my blog (duh) and that's how I roll.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I think I found a pulse

"Chivalry is dead. And women killed it" Dave Chappelle

Chivalry is hard to spell man! I messed that word up like three times before spell check was like you are a dumb chick, let me figure this word out and spell it for your dumb bad I got caught up...where was I.

First of all...Chivalry is Not dead but it is on life support. It's up to women to nurse it back to health since we are the ones that have kicked the life out of it...well not all the life but hell we damn near tried. Men try to be chivalrous, well not All men because some of them are schmucks but this isn't about them. I mean its not much a man can do it we are constantly telling them "I don't need you because I am I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t" or "I can get the door my damn self" or whatever else it is we (yes I said we because I remember when I used to say that garbage) say to try to convince ourselves.

Look, being treated like a lady is nice and nice to see. You don't believe me, look at older couples. Not couples in their 40's or 50's...I'm talking about couples that have been together that long (for 40 or 50 years). This man opens the door for his woman. He pulls her chair out. He makes sure that she is on the inside when they walk down the street (if you don't know what I am talking about...and you have a man...and yall have walked down the street-you might wanna make sure he isn't the beneficiary on your life insurance). This old man treats her like a lady, because she allows him to be the man. It doesn't mean she is weak or less than him; it means she loves herself and recognizes how she should be treated. Having someone open your door doesn't make you less of an Independent woman- besides no one said anything about paying your Electric bill (since being independent means ya pay their own bills).

So here is the plan...we are going to remove chivalry off life support -it's displaying significant signs of life, you know breathing on its own-and send it home today.

Here are some tips you should practice at home to keep it healthy.

* Recognize when you are dealing with a man (and it does take more than having a penis).
* After the shock of discovering you are dealing with a man...ease up on the resistance. Men are usually prepared for this but too must resistance may cause chivalry to break and it's very hard to repair (as you know).
* Chivalry is a two way street. If you want to be treated like a lady...act like one.
* Don't forget to say thank you.

We all need to do our parts with nursing chivalry back to health. If not for us, for future generations.

And I'm out

Thursday, March 1, 2012

A Hype Man

On the real don't you think it would be cool if everyone had their own hype man...
at your job! Just like comedians or rappers cuz hell they working.
Like imagine Steve Harvey introducing you. Or a cool DJ from a radio station (Mine would be DJ Bee from 103 Jamz or even DJ Fountz <---he has a nice voice- both from VA).  Or maybe Cory Hill from the E93 (I think). 
Okay I'm losing you...any way your introduction might sound something like this...

Yo! Yo! Yo! coming to the office is the best of the best! 
The most efficient & creative employee this office has seen in years! 
You've seen them in the break room.
You've seem them parking lot.
And now they are here!
Imma need you to Get out yo mudda effing seats and show this employee some mudda effing love cuz they are about to do some damn work up in this biatch!

The office goes wild!!!!
People are dapping you up while you make your way to your desk. 
They are chanting your name! Asking for autographs. Saying they wanna have your baby. Throwing they drawers at you (okay stop-that's a RED light for Sexual Harassment-now back to the fantasy)

You're smiling. You're pumped and ready to start your work day.
You slide into your desk, throwing one more peace sign to your colleagues.

And then you get on Facebook...status update: at work :(

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Cookie Monster

I was watching an old Cosby show where Claire wants to be able to fit into some dress for an event and she enlists the help of a aerobic instructor played by none other than her (her being Phylicia Rashad) sister Debbie Allen. It reminded me of the time when I was about 14 maybe even 15 and I enlisted the help of my sister (she was about 11 or 12) to lose weight. It was then I first realized that I did not like people telling me what or what not to eat.

First I think I should let it be known that I love food. LOVE IT. Especially cookies. I do. I love them. My nickname around my house was Cookie Monster. A cookie a day can brighten your day. In fact I am going to go and get me a cookie right now. I will be right back....okay I'm back- girl scout season is a beast! Cookies whew, I love them. Chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, oatmeal walnut raisin, sugar, Oreo's, milanos, mint, I even like butter cookies. You know butter cookies, you used to put them on your fingers like a ring and then nibble all around them until they were gone. Man if I had a butter cookie right now! Well if you grew up without a bunch of money you know what I am talking about and if you don't know well missed out because they are delicious! I have a point somewhere around here...

So yeah I don't like being told what to eat but as I get older and a bit wiser, I realize that I have to watch what I put in my mouth (haha that's what she said). Seriously diet, health and exercise are things that I have learned are extremely important. It's not about being a size 6 *note* only once in my adult life have I been a size 6 and it was for like 5 mins in the spring of 2002. It's about life. It's about being able to walk up a flight of stairs and not feel like a little person in on my back (that little person is your ASS). It's about not having to buy clothes in a bigger size and then a bigger size and then a you see where I am going. It's about not having cankles <--one of my biggest fears. Or being big enough to be a contestant on The Biggest Loser <---another one of my biggest fears. It's also about the risk of diabetes, high blood pressure, bad cholesterol...stroke, heart attack, death. 
See to me those things are more important than fitting into a size 6 dress. So from time to time I back off the cookies (as painful as it can be). I take the stairs instead of the elevator. I drink water instead of tea. I drink a green smoothie. I go for a walk. Or even a run. I do what I know I need to do, in order to do what I want to do...and that's stick around. 

Let's Talk about Sex-ting

Let me paint the picture...I'm was in my car and the Michael Baisden show is on the radio.
First let me say I am not on the Michael Baisden "street team". To be honest, he kind of gets on my nerves but there are times when I come across things that are very interesting 

Sooooo I'm listening to this caller. She is describing the relationship between a 17 year old female and 18 year old male. During the course of the relationship the young lady sent her then boyfriend a few suggestive photographs via text. And it was all good.
Fast forward to the demise of the relationship and the young man bitched up, (oh excuse me got upset) and sent those suggestive photographs to everyone the young lady had in her email contacts. Humiliating this girl thus resulting in her parents filing charges against the young man (remember their ages). That's right, child pornography. It can happen. But this isn't a PSA so let me get to the gist of what I'm saying...

In the above illustration many people would say that the young lady shouldn't have sent the pictures in the first place. That she should be more responsible. And blah, blah, blah. Okay let me say this, perhaps she shouldn't have sent the pictures but she isn't the bitch in this situation (my opinion). Buddy gets mad and sends the pictures out-wow who does that? Oh yeah bitch ass little dudes (and you can be 50 years old and still fit that description). I would say I'm sorry about calling the 18 year old baby a bitch...but I'm not. Okay so lets play it this way.

What if both parties were in their twenties, thirties, forties, dare I say fifties. 
Would people be so quick to jump to condemn the young lady and call her a fast tail for sending out pictures? This brings me to my topic of discussion...Sexting in the dating age. And it will be brief (I promise).

Ladies have you ever received a dick pic? No. You lying! For real?
Ever sent a picture of the "girls"? The "twins"? The "ladies"? Your "funbags"? No. You lying. Tell the truth! Aha see I knew it! 
Wait! Before you run away in shame let me say this...

In my opinion there isn't anything wrong with sexting Yup that's right- YES I SAID IT...surprised? Showing a lil boob to your boyfriend/husband in a cute...well orchestrated...properly lit...perfectly angled pose is nice. And will bring a smile to your guys face. Now if this is Ray Ray or Knuck Knuck, that you only see every quarter for a tune up then you Might Not want to send them a picture. If you feel the person would forward your picture or show a bunch of people then duh don't send them a picture but here is a way to handle that- Don't show your face <---EVER! And hey dummy, make sure you don't show any identifiable marks either. Besides all he wants to see are your boobs anyway. Or your butt. Or know...(don't make me say it). 

Bottom line is if you are going to sext think of sex. Choose your partner carefully. Will this joker go around and tell everyone that we "got it in"? Or will he treasure the experience? Think wisely, go with your gut and all that other crap. 

And if you don't really want to send pictures...a trench coat, some heels and girl scout cookies will make him smile too. 

Tuesday, February 28, 2012


When dealing with rat bastards, because from time to time we all will encounter someone that fits this description, resist your first temptation.

Do not punch these suckas in the face. DON'T DO IT!

Let your shine be rat poison for these jokers. And watch them either fall by the wayside or get out the way.

That is all.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Gather 'round for today's lesson...

Okay class let’s see a show of hands of those people that want to be in a good, healthy relationship? Okay. Now let’s see a show of hands that think they deserve to be in a good, healthy relationship? Okay. Now let’s see a show of hands that would be able to recognize that they are in or embarking on a good and healthy relationship? Now before you answer, good sex does not a good and healthy relationship make. Oh it’s a factor but it will take a great deal more to capture what you say you want and deserve.
I have said this over and over and over till I’m sure my friends, family, and perhaps a few exes are completely tired of hearing me say it- but oh well I am going to say it again. Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Without communication everything breaks down. Without communication there is no trust. Without trust there is no respect. Without respect there is no love. And without love what do you we have here… (A failure to communicate) NOTHING?

After all the sex is said and done, what’s left (besides rolling over and going to sleep or getting a sandwich)? You will need to talk about something.  I think some of the best relationships in the world started off with hours of talking.  And yes as a woman, I’m sure many of you would say that’s typical. But I think if a guy is into you, he won’t just listen to you talk...he will engage in the conversation.

A good conversationalist is very sexy to me (sorry just wanted to add that).

Not only that, he will recall/recollect/remember things that you have said.  I can recall spending 5 hours on the phone with a guy and still having more to say but hell I needed to get on with my day OR having dinner and you’ve been there so long the workers start sweeping around your table as a hint that it’s time to go.  This is how you establish a healthy relationship no let me change that, this how you maintain a great relationship.

If you and buddy can’t find anything to talk about besides how good one another ‘tastes’ then you might have a problem. Try this...courting. People don’t court anymore and you should because jumping straight into ‘titles’ is dangerous. You still hanging out with one another’s representative. You know the representative. That’s the girl you send on the first date and all she eats is salad (knowing your ass is Hungry). That’s the guy he sends on the first date. He opens the door, holds in his fart/burps, and doesn’t spend much time on his phone (fake ass).  And this is who you fall for until one day the expiration date on the representative hits and you now meet the real them and hey this heifer can eat!  And this dude's farts smell like hot funky garbage.

Get to know one another…how do you do that… (Say it with me now)…Communication.

And Ladies stop communicating in codes…but that my friends, is another class.
Now what is a lesson without homework.
So, your homework- have a conversation about ______________ <---fill in the blanks.

Class dismissed.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Gladys' question.

When Gladys asked "Can it be that it was all so simple then?" she was on to something.
Life seemed so simple...then.
Saturday morning cartoons were a must.
Saturday afternoon drinking from the water hose was a treat.
And McDonalds was too far so Mama made 'mama burgers' either in the oven or on top of the stove.
Life was good.
The air smells fresh and clean.
The sun shined a little brighter and the smiles were wider.
Life was good.
We didn't have much but we had each other- and as homespun and country as that may sound it is the truth and the truth shall set you free.
Hell we didn't even know we didn't have a lot (but "always thankful for the little things that I got"-Goodie Mob)
Life Was good.
Now to say that isn't to to say that life isn't good is.
But I remember when life wasn't filled with concern about the future.
It was indeed simple.
We should try to incorporate a little bit of simple in our lives daily.
Watch cartoons.
Drink water
Skip McDonalds and cook dinner with your family.
Reduce your carbon footprint. Plant a tree or get some plants.
Put on some sun screen, get outside and run around.
And above all smile.
Life is good.

Peace and Peanut Butter

So this is Black History Month 2012

wassup lil birdees and chickadess?

so here it is 2012, Black History Month and BAM we have already lost two greats in Black (music) History...the coolest cat in the world Mr. Don Cornelius and Whitney 'The Voice' Houston. Okay so this entry isn't going to be about how much they will be missed because they will . I mean their families and friends will miss them dearly but the fans we will also have Soul Train reruns and Smooth R&B stations to carry on their memory.

Depression killed these two. Depression is like any other disease- it doesn't care how old you are, what is in your bank account, what your Daddy did for a living, who (or what) you are sleeping doesn't care. Yes drugs played a part but the diagnosis was depression. 


Now with all that been said...I am sooo tired of hearing about Whitney Houston (I'm sorry). I mean God bless her soul because she obviously isn't getting any rest even in death. Everyday people keep bringing her up. The news, social networking, the's crazy. If you thought in '09 when Michael Jackson died there was pandemonium then you really weren't ready for this. I always find it funny when all the Die hard fans come out of the woodwork. Like their lives are still completely devastated some six days later. They are completely torn up behind her death but I have never heard you sing, play, let alone talk about Whitney Houston. Man let that woman die in peace. 

Hell this is probably the first peace she has had in the past 30 years. <---And that's the real sad part.  People wanna blame this person and talk bad about that person...what for? The damage has been done. Now we have to pray the damage doesn't repeat itself with her daughter or her cousin for that matter (I guess people forgot about Dionne Warwick and that weed she got caught with). 
Perhaps her life will serve as a cautionary tale...but it won't. There are people right now, smoking a joint, taking a shot, or doing a bump in her honor. Whitney isn't the first person, celebrity or otherwise to self medicate their depression (and unfortunately she won't be the last). She'll be a buzz right now and come June people will be on to the next topic of discussion...I just hope it's not another death. 

Peace and blessings.