Sunday, March 30, 2014

I'm a people watcher

Okay this is when my randomness probably matches your randomness. 
The random act of people watching. It's really awesome and can help melt time away in pretty much any situation. Prime areas to people watch are the movies, the mall, the airport and (I know yall were waiting on this one) Walmart. Church does get an honorable mention but its more like wig/weave watching. And restaurants are also good places. 
Now some people are probably like, "people watching, what's that?" and to them I have two things to say the first- man please you know good damn well what I mean when I say people watching. Then again (the second thought) if you don't chances are You are the person being watched- HA. There are several things that might go through your mind while people watching. Really its more like a series of random questions. Do they not have mirrors in their house? Why do you think that still fits? Did it ever fit? Is their a lotion shortage? Where are you going? Are their friends evil? Did you make them mad? I bet he drinks heavily at night (oh snap that's the pilot). You must be super confident? 
And then there is another trickling thing that might go through your head, or perhaps it's just mine. Who is watching me? I mean, while I am watching all these other folks, is someone watching me? Did they just see me kind of dig up my nose, I mean I didn't go All the way up my nose, just a little bit?

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Let's Get Married!

Can I talk you about one of my fears for a moment? No, this not about my fear of eventually becoming a contestant on “The Biggest Loser” or having toilet water splash on my booty while I’m on the commode. This is the “other” fear…marriage.
Ten years ago I was so ready to get married and have babies. I totally romanticized the notion of marriage. I thought about the wedding. The dress. Band or DJ? My bridesmaids. Keep in mind I didn’t even have a candidate for the groom but that didn't keep me from thinking about/planning it.
I think every girl, at least once, thinks about her wedding. Even the most hardcore of females, thinks about the day where all eyes are on her and there is a massive Soul Train line and ChaCha slide. And that’s what I thought about until...the feelings subsided.
Seven years ago the feelings returned- stronger than ever- and this time I had someone for the candidate of the groom (YEAH). I was older but not wiser because I still saw marriage as some romantic fairytale. I blame romantic comedies. You know the ones where the guy “says” he doesn’t want to get married and then the girl creates this happy, blissful life that the guy changes his mind because what he meant all along was “I didn’t want to get married until you convinced me”. As I said, I was older but not wiser. Listen when a man tells you that he doesn't want to get married and you still stay with him for three more years, you are an idiot and should get fitted for a hearing aid. I think there are some men that do change their minds but that was not the case with this particular candidate and eventually he was "let go".
So where does that leave me...a cynical, bitter, lonely old maid? Absolutely not! It just means that along with spiders, I have a fear of marriage. I believe in marriage-my parents have been married for over thirty-five years-I'm just afraid I will screw it up. I think I know more divorced people than married (and notice I didn't say happily married because that's even less). I know people who've been married three times to my none. And while I get it, I get it, their situations are very different from my own it still leaves me with a queasy, uneasy feeling. When people ask me, "When are you going to get married?" or "Why aren't you married?", I really don't feel like they want to hear a true explanation, cause they really don't. But thinking about it, I mean why were you single before you got married uh, was it because you weren't married? Well that's why I'm still single- I ain't married. My bad, lost it for a I just say, "I've never been asked" or my new favorite reply, "I'm crazy".
I know that when the time comes, I'll still be afraid, but hopefully my candidate for the position of groom will be patient with me and calm my fears. He will know that while I am fearful, I am a willing and gracious candidate. Plus he, like me, won't want to muck this thing up.
And if that doesn't happen...I'll buy a rancher style house, move in three of my good girlfriends, we can eat lots of cheesecake and stay up all night talking about life and men.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

America been "crazy".

Why do we say things like “Man, this world is going crazy” or (and for the intent of this entry) “America is getting crazy”?

Um…where yall been? America aint “getting” crazy- it’s always been crazy. It’s just with the CONSTANT stream of the news (proven or not) and Instagram and Twitter and Facebook and the church bulletin, we can’t help but to hear about EVERY little thing thus making us believe that these things are “new”.  

The term “Going Postal” wasn’t a campaign to get people to use the post office. It was derived from postal workers going into their place of employment and shooting up everyone and everything.
This was in the late 80’s and darn near all of the 90’s. Is this not crazy? Is this about twenty years ago? I guess we just "getting" to the good and crazy? 

America is like the world’s rich, douchy uncle that has a cocaine problem but everyone ignores it because he gives out great Christmas presents. You don’t fully appreciate America until you leave it and come back. Oh you think you appreciate it, but you don’t because you complain about things like, the water pressure in your house (indoor plumbing) or the fact that KFC ran out of chicken (fast food…money to BUY fast food). We complain about people coming to the country and not being about to speak the language and then go to OTHER countries and get mad because you can’t find anything in English *blank stare*. We really don’t care about what is going on in other countries. In fact if you having a conversation with someone and they utter the words “Well, in my country” you secretly think to yourself- hey if you don’t like it here-leave. But isn’t this the land of the free, ya know Free speech.
**I'd like to note that if none of these example apply to what. I can still say them...see below.
Free speech in the country means you can say whatever you want as long as it aligns with my opinion.
Free speech in other countries means oh wait, in some countries people aren't granted the privilege to speak freely. Moving on. 

Here’s the thing Even during the time everyone likes to romanticize and say oh “America was such a great country during this time” (usually anytime during the Reagan years and before Carter)…America still had its issues. And that’s just it- Americas got issues (and yes I know about the grammatical errors in the 'sentence' and throughout this entire piece but I don't care, I'm channeling my inner Elmore Leonard).
Oh we (America) got talent and a best dance crew and an idol but in the mist of all of that- we gots us some issues. And these issues aren't new- they are just compounded and/or evolving.
In a way, it's the nature of the beast. Things evolve. Things change. The question we should ask is, how can we change the "beast"? We can't stop evolution but can we change What evolves? How it evolves? Hmm, I got deeper than I wanted to on this entry...imma stop now.