Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Cookie Monster

I was watching an old Cosby show where Claire wants to be able to fit into some dress for an event and she enlists the help of a aerobic instructor played by none other than her (her being Phylicia Rashad) sister Debbie Allen. It reminded me of the time when I was about 14 maybe even 15 and I enlisted the help of my sister (she was about 11 or 12) to lose weight. It was then I first realized that I did not like people telling me what or what not to eat.

First I think I should let it be known that I love food. LOVE IT. Especially cookies. I do. I love them. My nickname around my house was Cookie Monster. A cookie a day can brighten your day. In fact I am going to go and get me a cookie right now. I will be right back....okay I'm back- girl scout season is a beast! Cookies whew, I love them. Chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, oatmeal walnut raisin, sugar, Oreo's, milanos, mint, I even like butter cookies. You know butter cookies, you used to put them on your fingers like a ring and then nibble all around them until they were gone. Man if I had a butter cookie right now! Well if you grew up without a bunch of money you know what I am talking about and if you don't know well missed out because they are delicious! I have a point somewhere around here...

So yeah I don't like being told what to eat but as I get older and a bit wiser, I realize that I have to watch what I put in my mouth (haha that's what she said). Seriously diet, health and exercise are things that I have learned are extremely important. It's not about being a size 6 *note* only once in my adult life have I been a size 6 and it was for like 5 mins in the spring of 2002. It's about life. It's about being able to walk up a flight of stairs and not feel like a little person in on my back (that little person is your ASS). It's about not having to buy clothes in a bigger size and then a bigger size and then a you see where I am going. It's about not having cankles <--one of my biggest fears. Or being big enough to be a contestant on The Biggest Loser <---another one of my biggest fears. It's also about the risk of diabetes, high blood pressure, bad cholesterol...stroke, heart attack, death. 
See to me those things are more important than fitting into a size 6 dress. So from time to time I back off the cookies (as painful as it can be). I take the stairs instead of the elevator. I drink water instead of tea. I drink a green smoothie. I go for a walk. Or even a run. I do what I know I need to do, in order to do what I want to do...and that's stick around. 

Let's Talk about Sex-ting

Let me paint the picture...I'm was in my car and the Michael Baisden show is on the radio.
First let me say I am not on the Michael Baisden "street team". To be honest, he kind of gets on my nerves but there are times when I come across things that are very interesting 

Sooooo I'm listening to this caller. She is describing the relationship between a 17 year old female and 18 year old male. During the course of the relationship the young lady sent her then boyfriend a few suggestive photographs via text. And it was all good.
Fast forward to the demise of the relationship and the young man bitched up, (oh excuse me got upset) and sent those suggestive photographs to everyone the young lady had in her email contacts. Humiliating this girl thus resulting in her parents filing charges against the young man (remember their ages). That's right, child pornography. It can happen. But this isn't a PSA so let me get to the gist of what I'm saying...

In the above illustration many people would say that the young lady shouldn't have sent the pictures in the first place. That she should be more responsible. And blah, blah, blah. Okay let me say this, perhaps she shouldn't have sent the pictures but she isn't the bitch in this situation (my opinion). Buddy gets mad and sends the pictures out-wow who does that? Oh yeah bitch ass little dudes (and you can be 50 years old and still fit that description). I would say I'm sorry about calling the 18 year old baby a bitch...but I'm not. Okay so lets play it this way.

What if both parties were in their twenties, thirties, forties, dare I say fifties. 
Would people be so quick to jump to condemn the young lady and call her a fast tail for sending out pictures? This brings me to my topic of discussion...Sexting in the dating age. And it will be brief (I promise).

Ladies have you ever received a dick pic? No. You lying! For real?
Ever sent a picture of the "girls"? The "twins"? The "ladies"? Your "funbags"? No. You lying. Tell the truth! Aha see I knew it! 
Wait! Before you run away in shame let me say this...

In my opinion there isn't anything wrong with sexting Yup that's right- YES I SAID IT...surprised? Showing a lil boob to your boyfriend/husband in a cute...well orchestrated...properly lit...perfectly angled pose is nice. And will bring a smile to your guys face. Now if this is Ray Ray or Knuck Knuck, that you only see every quarter for a tune up then you Might Not want to send them a picture. If you feel the person would forward your picture or show a bunch of people then duh don't send them a picture but here is a way to handle that- Don't show your face <---EVER! And hey dummy, make sure you don't show any identifiable marks either. Besides all he wants to see are your boobs anyway. Or your butt. Or know...(don't make me say it). 

Bottom line is if you are going to sext think of sex. Choose your partner carefully. Will this joker go around and tell everyone that we "got it in"? Or will he treasure the experience? Think wisely, go with your gut and all that other crap. 

And if you don't really want to send pictures...a trench coat, some heels and girl scout cookies will make him smile too. 

Tuesday, February 28, 2012


When dealing with rat bastards, because from time to time we all will encounter someone that fits this description, resist your first temptation.

Do not punch these suckas in the face. DON'T DO IT!

Let your shine be rat poison for these jokers. And watch them either fall by the wayside or get out the way.

That is all.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Gather 'round for today's lesson...

Okay class let’s see a show of hands of those people that want to be in a good, healthy relationship? Okay. Now let’s see a show of hands that think they deserve to be in a good, healthy relationship? Okay. Now let’s see a show of hands that would be able to recognize that they are in or embarking on a good and healthy relationship? Now before you answer, good sex does not a good and healthy relationship make. Oh it’s a factor but it will take a great deal more to capture what you say you want and deserve.
I have said this over and over and over till I’m sure my friends, family, and perhaps a few exes are completely tired of hearing me say it- but oh well I am going to say it again. Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Without communication everything breaks down. Without communication there is no trust. Without trust there is no respect. Without respect there is no love. And without love what do you we have here… (A failure to communicate) NOTHING?

After all the sex is said and done, what’s left (besides rolling over and going to sleep or getting a sandwich)? You will need to talk about something.  I think some of the best relationships in the world started off with hours of talking.  And yes as a woman, I’m sure many of you would say that’s typical. But I think if a guy is into you, he won’t just listen to you talk...he will engage in the conversation.

A good conversationalist is very sexy to me (sorry just wanted to add that).

Not only that, he will recall/recollect/remember things that you have said.  I can recall spending 5 hours on the phone with a guy and still having more to say but hell I needed to get on with my day OR having dinner and you’ve been there so long the workers start sweeping around your table as a hint that it’s time to go.  This is how you establish a healthy relationship no let me change that, this how you maintain a great relationship.

If you and buddy can’t find anything to talk about besides how good one another ‘tastes’ then you might have a problem. Try this...courting. People don’t court anymore and you should because jumping straight into ‘titles’ is dangerous. You still hanging out with one another’s representative. You know the representative. That’s the girl you send on the first date and all she eats is salad (knowing your ass is Hungry). That’s the guy he sends on the first date. He opens the door, holds in his fart/burps, and doesn’t spend much time on his phone (fake ass).  And this is who you fall for until one day the expiration date on the representative hits and you now meet the real them and hey this heifer can eat!  And this dude's farts smell like hot funky garbage.

Get to know one another…how do you do that… (Say it with me now)…Communication.

And Ladies stop communicating in codes…but that my friends, is another class.
Now what is a lesson without homework.
So, your homework- have a conversation about ______________ <---fill in the blanks.

Class dismissed.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Gladys' question.

When Gladys asked "Can it be that it was all so simple then?" she was on to something.
Life seemed so simple...then.
Saturday morning cartoons were a must.
Saturday afternoon drinking from the water hose was a treat.
And McDonalds was too far so Mama made 'mama burgers' either in the oven or on top of the stove.
Life was good.
The air smells fresh and clean.
The sun shined a little brighter and the smiles were wider.
Life was good.
We didn't have much but we had each other- and as homespun and country as that may sound it is the truth and the truth shall set you free.
Hell we didn't even know we didn't have a lot (but "always thankful for the little things that I got"-Goodie Mob)
Life Was good.
Now to say that isn't to to say that life isn't good is.
But I remember when life wasn't filled with concern about the future.
It was indeed simple.
We should try to incorporate a little bit of simple in our lives daily.
Watch cartoons.
Drink water
Skip McDonalds and cook dinner with your family.
Reduce your carbon footprint. Plant a tree or get some plants.
Put on some sun screen, get outside and run around.
And above all smile.
Life is good.

Peace and Peanut Butter

So this is Black History Month 2012

wassup lil birdees and chickadess?

so here it is 2012, Black History Month and BAM we have already lost two greats in Black (music) History...the coolest cat in the world Mr. Don Cornelius and Whitney 'The Voice' Houston. Okay so this entry isn't going to be about how much they will be missed because they will . I mean their families and friends will miss them dearly but the fans we will also have Soul Train reruns and Smooth R&B stations to carry on their memory.

Depression killed these two. Depression is like any other disease- it doesn't care how old you are, what is in your bank account, what your Daddy did for a living, who (or what) you are sleeping doesn't care. Yes drugs played a part but the diagnosis was depression. 


Now with all that been said...I am sooo tired of hearing about Whitney Houston (I'm sorry). I mean God bless her soul because she obviously isn't getting any rest even in death. Everyday people keep bringing her up. The news, social networking, the's crazy. If you thought in '09 when Michael Jackson died there was pandemonium then you really weren't ready for this. I always find it funny when all the Die hard fans come out of the woodwork. Like their lives are still completely devastated some six days later. They are completely torn up behind her death but I have never heard you sing, play, let alone talk about Whitney Houston. Man let that woman die in peace. 

Hell this is probably the first peace she has had in the past 30 years. <---And that's the real sad part.  People wanna blame this person and talk bad about that person...what for? The damage has been done. Now we have to pray the damage doesn't repeat itself with her daughter or her cousin for that matter (I guess people forgot about Dionne Warwick and that weed she got caught with). 
Perhaps her life will serve as a cautionary tale...but it won't. There are people right now, smoking a joint, taking a shot, or doing a bump in her honor. Whitney isn't the first person, celebrity or otherwise to self medicate their depression (and unfortunately she won't be the last). She'll be a buzz right now and come June people will be on to the next topic of discussion...I just hope it's not another death. 

Peace and blessings.