Memories...like the corners of my mind

I just had the pleasure of watching Micheal Rappaport's documentary Beats, Rhymes & Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest and it was awesome.
Tribe laid the foundation for many of the artists that I enjoy listening to today.
They weren't afraid to infuse jazz, a kick ass bass line, and hypnotic smooth lyrics.
They didn't follow the blueprint set forth by everyone else- they designed their own. They were original.
In short- pure hip hop royalty and awesomeness.
I mean their crew The Native Tongues- they dressed different. Sported the asymmetrical haircuts, Afrocentric medallions and loved to mix colors and patterns..okay fashion aside they dropped some of the most memorable lines in hip hop history "bust off on your couch, now you got Seamen furniture"...come on man. Bonita Applebum- that track alone brings smiles across the lips of many faces.
One thing I took away from the rapumentary (my word) was that there are some demons up in that group.
It's like you want them to put music. You want to feel that vibe once more but not at the risk of them sucking. When they were young and in love (with each other) you could tell. The back and forth was complimentary but that's not what you would see today. You would feel the animosity. You would feel, what wasn't being said. You would feel let down like a little kid at Christmas that wanted a G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip and instead got a knock off Cabbage Patch doll  or some Lincoln Logs <---just sad.
So until their demons can be exorcised, I will and can just chill with the Greatest Hits album.

a love

i'm in a love affair that's rare and hard to compare. a love that lifts me up when i am in despair-

holds me tight-knows when i wanna be loved and understands if i wanna fight (because sometimes I need to scream)

a love that will last until the end of time because i am his and he is mine.

a love that recognizes that sometimes i am weak and may need to cry and because of this his shoulder he will supply (until I am calm)

other girls maybe prettier and fine but all of that falls by the wayside when he looks into my eyes (and knows he is home)

no need to play private eye because if i need to spy-then he was never mine (and i really don't have time for that)...

this love fills me up in ways that i can't describe no matter how hard i try (so i don't- i just smile)

naive, no i'm not because i know to have what we got-takes alot (but its worth it)

sad to say- none of this is true but one day when i find you...i'll be able to say i'm in a love affair that's rare...




(I wrote this in May and it's been sitting here in my drafts...but I had to share it)

Who you callin a Bitch?

Boss Bitch, Five Star Bitch, Gangsta Bitch, Ryde or Die Bitch...uh so let me get this straight its cool for a man to call you a bitch as long as he puts one of these phrases/adjectives in front of it?


I don't get it?


**Well first let me put this disclaimer out-I so wanted to be a gangsta bitch.  When Apache's Gangsta Bitch dropped some fifteen years ago I really thought that was me (I have since come to terms that I am a L7, albeit a cool one but a L7 all the same aka square). I really did but I just could never wrap my head around the idea of someone -man, woman or child-calling me a bitch. Even when the hype man asks "do the bitches run this mutha fa ya" I hesitate because I think- well them ladies are running it but I'm not to sure about the bitches.


Bitch has never been a term of endearment for me. I have never addressed my girlfriends as bitch. When I say it-oh I mean. And yes I must admit I dropped the b word a time or two or maybe a thousand but this new age of the bitch word confuses me. Why would anyone want to be a 5 Star Bitch? What makes a 5 Star Bitch special because if you follow the lyrics, the girl he is describing would Not want to be called a bitch or even 5 Star. Why 5 stars? Ed McMahon thought 4 stars were a perfect score on Star Search. Perhaps more things rhyme with 5 than 4- who knows? I just know don't refer to me as a 5 Star Bitch cuz the shit is stupid.


And what about Boss Bitch...Rick Ross and Meek Mill calls themselves A Boss, why not just say that? Why be a Boss Bitch?


Now before I come off as a self-righteous bitch let me say that hey I know people- men and women- who actually deserve to be called bitch or even elongating the word and calling them a biiiiiitch. Or shortening it to a fast and cut bitch-I get this. I really do. What I don't get is how we have allowed it to be a describing factor to all, good, bad, or indifferent. Now fools going around saying "you are a non-mother fucking factor bitch"- BBW- really but that saying and that show deserve a blog entry of their own, so I'm going to tiptoe away from that (for now).


The fact is, no one wants to be called a bitch. You don't. That same girl that has 5 Star Bitch tattooed on her leg would go bat shit crazy if some girl called her a bitch, "Oh that bitch, with 5 Stat Bitch tattooed on her leg, yeah I know her" <---and then 5 Star gonna turn into Queen Latifah "who you calling a bitch" uh you dummy. You got your calling card inked on your leg-duh. Or when a man is trying to holla at you and you politely turn him down and then BOOM "well fuck you, you ugly bitch! I was trying to do you a favor." <---now that's not nice. You can't have it both ways; I mean I get it, you were just rejected but what is wrong with saying "Chick"?


Yes it is misogynistic might even be dated or juvenile but is bitch better?  Yeah...it is. 

Music Box

I want send a shout out to a man who faced adversity and didn't allow it to take him down. He could have bowed out and let one man destroy his success but he didn't. He persevered, kept hustling and pushing it and look at him. He is selling weight from his iphone. Yes I am talking about Mr Ricky Rose aka Big Meech-Larry Hoover-Da Boss- Rick Ross.

Let's be honest 50 Cent is notorious for stealing careers. Hell he has even stolen the careers of those in his own crew: Young Buck (clearly a better rapper), Tony Yayo, The Game (clearly a better story teller- I know I am not the only person that thought his debut album was better than 50's Massacre released around the same time) and Lloyd Banks. And a few others in the game- Ja Rule and Ciara. And he doesn't just stop at music-he even stole Vivica Fox's career. I wonder what he does with them...like does he keep them in mason jars or mount them to the wall. Does he show them off to his company or to potential haters as a sign of what could happen. But I digress.

Curtis Jackson tried to add Rick Ross to his mason jar collection. He even recruited this man's baby mama (a term I typically do not like but hey in this case I will make an exception) to bring this guy down.

Okay so he was a correctional officer-turn self professed slanger that made is big on syncopated deliver, often repeating the same thing over a great beat.

He didn't allow 50 cent to deter him- even after "Officer Ricky" became internet hit or the before mentioned use of his child's mother. He uses his resources and connections to party with the Miami elite. He signed Wale to his record label (clapping) and he was/is on one of the biggest tours this year - I Am Music. Can we say...he is "winning".

So stand with me and lift your glasses of Rose and salute this mediocre rapper turned hit maker. Maybach!!

On another note: shout out to the people that still find it necessary to put Lil Wayne on their album's lead single.

Here's a little note for you- Stop it!

Let's be honest since Wayne has been released from prison his verses have been...well subpar. Yes I like his addition to Kelly Rowland's motivation but let's be honest its pretty much the same thing. I'll beat it up. I'll eat it up. I'll put you on a plate and slop you up with a biscuit. I mean for real, you didn't pay attention to his verse on "Look at me now"...plus you waited for Cory Gunz verse on  "6 foot/7 foot" and sadly Diddy's verse is better than his on "Someone to love me (naked)". Please, please, please don't get me wrong- Wayne says things that make me laugh, think, nod my head so by no means am I saying he is wack. But he has slipped a little bit.

That line in "6 foot/7 foot" about real Gs move in silence like lasagna- I had to listen to that song like 2 or 3 times before I was like OH!! I get it. The g is silent in lasagna and real Gs are silent...I get it. Now perhaps you got it the first time you heard it-so what, who cares! All I'm saying is...uh yeah-okay-I get it. It's like he teeters from being extremely sexual to trying new ways to put words together- "you'll be dead in the living room" (now that- I got off the rip)- but sometimes he goes way in left field. But hey as long as he is getting radio airplay, selling out shows, getting nominated for awards, and getting paper, dough, bread, Benjamins, scratch,greenbacks, moolah, cheddar, Simoleons then something he is doing must be working!

Thanks for reading...next topic on my mind- can we stop calling it the BET Awards and just call it what it is- A free televised concert?

but what if I get robbed

This is one of those rare occasions where my randomness is going to shine through like a sunny day. Honestly I don’t even remember what made this pop into my head but once it was there, I knew it would stay there until I wrote about it. So wrote a blog about it, like to read it…here it go, hmmm might keep that for future use, I like it (see random).

I think people that sleep in the nude are some of the bravest people. When I say people that sleep in the nude, I mean the people that sleep like this on the regular. They get out of the shower, lotion up and slide in between their cool sheets and drift off into a deep sleep. Drooling, snoring, farting and all…See me, yeah I'm not gonna be able to do that. I mean please, of course I have slept in the nude before but it wasn’t planned and even then (on those rare occasions where the opportunity arises for me to sleep in the nude…sigh…I remember it well…sorry) I would usually wake up and put on some clothes. I mean- what if someone breaks in…no for real what if someone breaks in?!

I mean, first let me say, Thank God I have never been a victim of a home invasion and pray to never become one in the future. But there is one thing I know…I cannot be laying in the bed butt booty naked if a robber rolls up in my house. I can’t have just anybody looking at all my goodness. Or looking at me like WOW…you really need to put some clothes on. The robber gonna act like I’m disrespecting him? Do you realize what that could do to my self esteem? I mean I’m getting robbed by a shallow and stuck up thief! To be rejected. Criticized. Even though he is probably mad because he broke in and realized that I don't have any high dollar items so he is just being rude. Now I know what you’re thinking, why would it matter what he thinks? And to that I say, get with the program- this is a blog about random thoughts. This anit algebra and to answer your question, I say...How dare a thief look at me like I'm wrong? Like I can't sleep in the nude. Shoot he knows he wants this. Okay wait a minute this has taken a severely wrong turn some where. Let me get back on track. 

I don’t mind sleeping without a shirt on-because hey sometimes it gets hot. And my top is usually something that comes off at like three in the morning when for some reason the air gets stuffy- but that is really besides the point. The point is...bottoms off- weird. Who sleeps in just a tee shirt? A tee shirt and no underwear- what in the world is that about? I mean what if the tee shirt rides up while you are tossing and tearing and your butt is exposed. Your butt just out there...in the air. You know that's how you catch a cold! Just put on some boxers or something-but hey I'm not judging-not at all. I just think it's weird. 


Again I would like to reiterate my opening statement...this is very random. I know this. I can't even remember why this popped in my head. Maybe I was watching a movie or something. Or maybe it was a conversation I had with a friend- so really you should blame all of those things, because if they hadn't planted the random seed, I wouldn't have felt the need to water, cultivate, watch it grow and then present you with this bouquet of randomness.

Is churchyness a word?

I have a confession...ready... (sigh) I haven't been to a Sunday morning service in about 6 months. I know, I know...I knoooow. And  I really don't have an excuse. Now I speak of the wonders and splendid things that God has done for me. When those around me are in despair I try to offer a kind word and say a prayer. But on Sunday morning...my temperpedic just holds me hostage. It does. My alarm goes off, I hit it, roll back over and continue the snoozing. 
What's crazy is before I moved (to my current city) I was a 8 o'clock service attending, bible study going, member of such a great church. One where I attending for years before being compelled to join. I loved this church. So when I moved, I took a survey of what churches people attended and checked out the internet and was on a mission to join a church (by letter or Christian experience). And what I found was an ABUNDANT...naw I'm gonna have to keep it real, I found hella churches man. HELLA CHURCHES! 

Whew. I mean enough to make you dizzy, especially since this is a small/big area and I just didn't think there would be soooooo many. Let me get a glass of water to calm my nerves...

So I attended a few services and well...wait let me tell you about my former church home.
The Pastor was charismatic and he preached the word. He wasn't afraid to train those under him. He allowed Associate/Assistant/Up and coming called Ministers to lead Sunday service and bible study. The choir sang beautifully, the people moved over to let you sit down, and older ladies loved to offer you a piece of candy. And he didn't BEG!! Oh my goodness. 

3 outta  5 churches I have been to in the area, have made begging a work of art. Oh now they wouldn't call what they  do begging, they would call it planting a seed, collecting a love offering, missionary offering, building fund, giving to the glory of God-don't you steal from God because has placed it in my heart that 50 people can give $100 towards this seed. Don't steal from God! He will provide for all your needs. 

Uh he did, he provided me w/$110. $10 of which you gonna get, the rest imma need you to getcho hand outta my pocket. 

Momma need a house, baby needs some shoes, Times is getting hard (oh sorry-had an Ace Hood break)...

My family (w/probably the exception of my father), I know feels I am destined to rot in hell. We were not raised like this. We were raised to attend church service every Sunday and if we didn't we needed to have a very good excuse. Like work or being in the hospital because being tired- was not an excuse. Partying the night before-not an excuse. So, in what seems to sneakingly become a ritual, on Saturdays if I speak with my mother in the evening she asks me, "Are you going to church in the morning"? To which I reply, "I don't know". My grandmother- same question. and she gets -the same answer. 
I don't know why I haven't "found" a church home. Guess its the same reason I haven't "found" a boyfriend. I'm picky, nostalgic, and I think too much. I keep waiting to feel the way I felt about my old church and that's probably blocking me from feeling anything about a new church (this has been a moment w/Dr TeeJay). 
I think "church folks" make it hard for me too. And while I shouldn't allow someone else's action to manifest a negative reaction in me-it does. You know "church folks"...these are the people the phrase, going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. They turn their nose down on you when you say you don't have a church home. They say things like I love gospel music and I listen to it all the time, in response to you saying you have to listen to an inspirational song before you come to work. A "saint" would have just said, yup you have to put on your armor. The CF thinks its a competition in churchyness. This same CF will see in the hallway, street, shoot sometime even in the House of the Lord and will not speak (and they the dangon greeter). My Pastor used to say all the time "we are the church". And we are! 

That building is brick and paste and if it is destroyed that doesn't mean that the church is destroyed-just the building. Because We are the Church. We represent the church to non-believers. We represent the church to fence straddlers in our daily actions and comments. Always so quick to judge or look at someone funny, yes I am a visitor (not from Mars though, I live in town), just move outta the way and let me sit down (sorry flashback). These little actions can make someone feel uncomfortable and not want to return. Trust me I speak of what I know. 
I would like to say I have a good heart. I am charitable and believe in staying prayed up. I have no problem praying with or for those who ask (and sometimes even those that don't). It surprises me when people ask me to pray with them, I'd like to think something in my actions is shining through. I continue to pray for guidance-always. And renewal of my spirit because I know that it has been broken a time or two. I have found a potential church home and I'll listen to its podcast from time to time. I read my bible-not as often as I should but I am a work in progress. I try not to rely on the "God knows my heart" saying because, well it's insulting. Of course he knows my heart. He made me. He knows his child. And he also knows the Saturday in which my reply to that question will be "yes ma'am, I sure am".

This aint a love story...well maybe it is.

"You made a fool of me, tell me why"?  Me'Shell Ndegeocello 



I know why Snapped is such a popular show and why there will always be an abundance of women to feature because  "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned/ Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned"(William Congreve) or in lament terms Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and to take it even further, if you piss the right woman off, in the wrong way, she can become a real bitch. 


Like Optimus Prime but she'd be...Whump-your-ass-much Prime.  Bitchymuch Prime okay I was going to say another one but I don't want to drive this into the ground and I don't want to lose my train of thought...Knockyoassout Prime (sorry).  
Okay I'm back...I hate liars, I really do. Yeah I said it and I'll say it again. I. Hate. Liars...sorry had a moment. 

I hate for people to knowingly, and in the end what feels purposely, play with someone's emotions-mainly mine. Even when I have given them the opportunity to be honest they still hit me with a line and like a dope, a person grasping for straws, I fall for the okey doke. 

About as much as I hate liars, I hate feeling like a chump even more. A loser, someone taken for a ride, taken advantage of, "led astray, run amuck, we didn't land on Plymouth Rock- Plymouth Rock landed on us", in short someone that fell for the Ponzi scheme. When I feel like this has happened, it kind of makes me want to pull a Jazmine Sullivan and "Bust the Windows" outta someone's car or tell them they have "10 Seconds" to get as far away from me as possible. Because the truth is, while I was telling them everything I felt they needed to know, they were telling me everything they thought I wanted to hear; there is a difference. 

Don't get me wrong, I know I say I want a man to be honest, keep it 100, keep it funky but hey I have feelings and I don't want them hurt. But when you have someone that denies, denies, denies and lies, lies, lies so much, that when the truth is finally revealed and it makes everything else feel like a lie...then- there is a code 10, man down situation. Where as and henceforth said liar will be forever deemed a dirtbag. 

So, naturally everyone has to pick their battles...does this make me look fat - appropriate answer "you make it look beautiful". 

Do you like the way I cooked the chicken - "you should call my mother and give her the recipe"  (okay I might be reaching with that last one). 

Now if someone is asked, "did you fuck my friend/co-worker/cousin etc"- I'd advise them to tell the truth (especially if they are guilty) as tactfully as they possibly can, while making their way to the nearest exit.   

Now before I end up being classified as a bitter, man shrew, please let me continue... 

Sadly enough I can't blame the albeit guilty party for everything. I played along. Carried on with the notion of an established relationship in my head. Stopped asking the important questions and got comfortable with the representations I was given. I was on my Positive K...you know "I gotta man" or I was on my Alicia Keys and ready to do the "Unthinkable". Wrapped up in a "Sweet Dream" and loving my beautiful nightmare not realizing I was playing a fool (because everybody does it sometime). I allowed myself to create excuses for shortcomings yet at the same time pick myself apart like I was the problem. When the problem was actually the radio and my CD collection (that's a play on the song titles I just used...okay I'll focus). So as I was saying that I was acting like I was the problem, even though I kind of was....Big girl drawers time. 

I pretty much set the tone of how someone is going to treat me. When I saw signs of how I didn't want to be treated, I should have to voiced my concerns. I had to let it be known because if I didn't say anything then I am pretty much condoning the behavior and the other person may think in some dark and twisted way that I actually like being treated like a "non-mutha fuckin factor" (shout out to Evelyn of Basketball Wives- because this applies to friendships as well as romantic relationships). 

So at the end of the day, I know that if I put out positive vibes, embrace and embark on a true adult relationship then things more than likely will fall into place. It is up to me to create the type of healthy relationship that I want because I am the master of my world and most important I LOVE ME. 


And if all that doesn't work and dirtbags still find a way to infiltrate my heart, time, and life...a sister always has a brick in the trunk. 

Pop the cherry

well for years...okay really months people have been trying to get me to blog. they twisted my arms (yeah both of them) to jump on facebook and twitter and now BIM i'm blogging. i guess the title blogger will be official if the same jokers that convinced me to pop my cherry come to visit this site. so if you are reading this...thanks.


so the title of my blog references my thoughts and observations, however random they may be. and let me tell you i have some pretty random thoughts. like this morning, i was drying off- in the mirror (because i'm brave like that) and i was taking a look at "the girls" aka "the twins" and i thought...i should have shown you guys off more when i was 19-25. i mean hey don't get me wrong and not to toot my own horn, but TOOT TOOT, they are still pretty nice for the 30-35 years old category. no i will go as far as to say, they can compete with some 28-29 year olds but man let when they were 21 they were beautiful. full and voluptuousness. perfect circumference...just awesome. 


and now they are just...nice...great on some days. but i'm not sure if they will ever reach their awesome peak again (at least not without surgery). now i will admit that when i work out-heavy and get on the weights...who am i kidding they are still not the bountiful, busting, beauties they were when i was 21...sigh.


what is a girl to do?