Tuesday, December 3, 2013

A Bogus War

Raise your hand iffn you don’t think…we (excuse me, I am talking to be Black women right now, I'm sorry but today I gotta talk to them, I'll be back. I promise) are at war. 

Good! Because I don’t either. I just think it’s levels to this ish. Confused? Good because so am I.

I am talking about this battle between “Natural” and “Chemically Relaxed” women! 
I mean it’s ridiculous. First of all, I still don’t know how you are natural and you chemically color your hair but that is another subject...no shade.

Here's the thing.

For those who claim “natural hair is so much easier” – You ma’am (or sir) are a LIAR!!! I am currently “courting” natural hair and I don’t think we are going to work out. I mean it’s just a bunch of work and commitment that I am not willing to make right now. I mean my chemically relaxed hair was such a better listener. If I said “LAY DOWN” guess what she did…lie down. When I was ready to go to sleep she was ready to go to sleep. When I was ready to go to sleep…she was ready to go to sleep. I had to say that twice because “natural hair” don’t be ready to lay down, when you ready to lie down. I mean it’s like it wants foreplay or something. Always wanting you to twist it up. Or knot it up. Oil it up- getting it all glistening and shiny. Whew lemme calm down. I had a flashback.

For those who claim “natural hair is so much cheaper”- You ma’am (or sir) are a LIAR!! If I decide to “date” natural hair I know I’m going to have to invite so many other products in our life. Products that she may OR may not even like (this heffa here). She gonna want me to know all about her curl pattern. Which product makes her dry out (no alcohol based products please). And this heffa is going to be all up in my diet because that’s gonna matter now. Vitamins. Water. Nuts and Berries. My chemically relaxed hair- she care about that stuff but not really. I mean she wants be to drink water and maybe take a biotin every now and then but she don’t be tripping.

If you are rocking a bald fade or a Cesar then of course I am not talking to you so you can shhh-be quiet.

Here is the thing- everyone doesn't want to go natural and for whatever reason you had to go “natural”- Congratufreakinlations to you- but it doesn't mean you care more about your hair, body, or soul than a “chemically relaxed” sister. 

I remember when a woman rocking a fade was seen as weird. My mother has been rocking the same hairstyle for about 15 years. I can remember those years ago, when she decided to cut all her hair off, many barbers wouldn't do it. Plus I can recall on several occasions, where women came up to her saying “You are going to beat this!”- yes they thought she had the big “C”. Now it’s commonplace. 

India Irie said “I am not my hair” but I think she was right but wrong because we are our hair. I can sing along to that song and even make up a dance routine but at the end of the day- I'm not about to jump square off in no pool. Beach. Lake. Well really it's because I don't swim that well but you get my point. 
We let our hair control just about every decision we make no matter what side of the fence you are on. 
So let’s call a truce between the “natural” and “chemically relaxed” and realize the real culprit-our hair.

Now wait, I’m not saying go out to your nearest barber or have your husband, boyfriend, or Dad (he wouldn’t do it) shave all your hair off.

What I am saying is stop letting your hair define who you are. You are more than locks. You are more than a wrap. You are more than an afro. You are more than that fly ass pixie cut.
You are a mother. Daughter. Sister. A Friend.
And this separation about how we choose to rock our hair, has got to end.
Find something you love- remember it’s for you.
If your sister does something different simply say “do you boo”.
We are all beautiful, sexy and fly.

Besides, it’s gonna rot away when we die. 

Friday, September 27, 2013


Where are the men?

Isn’t this a conversation girlfriends have at least once a month?
Every two weeks?
Shoot from some of us every week.
I dare not say everyday.

So where are they? They have been several theories as to why women are single- especially black women. Too picky, too judgmental, too crazy, too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too much drama, too mean, too loud, too- too-too mutha effing too…what is a woman to do?

I can name five beautiful, great, terrific women, right now, that are single. These women aren’t just single, these women aren’t dating- no prospects…single. And it has me confused. On paper and yes I said on paper, these women have it going on. Their own place some even homeowners, career or great jobs (there is a difference), degree holders or college students. They have good credit, good personalities; just good catches all around but still single.
Now I would be remiss if I didn’t say that each one didn’t have issues they were dealing with, but who doesn’t? Show me someone that doesn’t have any issues and I will say to you “hey you do know we are standing in a cemetery right” (meaning these folks are dead so of course they don’t have any issues).

Sometimes I wonder, if I was a guy…first off, I’d have a lot of explaining to do-sorry…would I be one that wanted to enjoy the fact that there are just so many women at my disposal or would I be like the female me and want to be in a loving relationship.

I honestly think men have it so much easier when it comes to getting into a relationship and I’m sure there are men that disagree with me but I can’t help how I feel. I just do.

So back to my opening question where are the men? And honest question- what is a guy looking for in a potential mate? I know that preferences and tastes change from person to person but I think most women want the same basic thing; a man who is a good person, honest, has all his teeth, smells nice, easy on the eyes, and has a nice personality. I’m sure this sounds like a thirteen year old wrote it…probably because that when we start thinking about what a boyfriend should be like.

While I do not endorse his newfound relationship guru status, Steve Harvey constantly says on his show that a woman holds all the cards in a relationship. She is the one that sets the tone. She has to let the guy know what she will deal with or not deal with and if he can’t hang then she needs to move on. I find this pretty interesting coming from a twice divorced guy…but I guess the third time is a charm. Now lets say that all that is true that still doesn’t mean that a woman will find her ideal mate which leads me to another piece of advice Mr. Harvey offered…don’t be so selective and perhaps date older. I would like to go on record and say just because a guy is older than you DOES not mean that he has his shit together. And what exactly is selective. I think if I said my ideal mate would be 6’6, one hazel eye, one brown, looked like Boris Kodjoe, could cook like that Neeley guy, and made six figures-that would constitute as unrealistic standards because where would I meet this guy…surely not in the places my extremely less than six figures earning ass frequent. I mean unless this guy likes the $1.50 movie.

I’d like to note that many men frequent the $1.50 movie theater but these men typically are trying to compete for homecoming king.

Where are the men, well I don't know. So let the search begin…to be continued. 

Thinking about the Grammys (or is it Grammy's)

On December 6th   Grammy nominees will be announced.
*The cutoff to qualify for 2014 is September 30th.
Okay taking these dates into consideration Oct 1, 2012- Sept 30, 2013
Who do you think will or should receive a nomination and in what category?

Here are a few select observations…

If Justin Timberlake doesn't at least get one nomination, I really believe people will riot (lol).
I do wonder if he’ll choose the R&B category or the Pop category to submit his entries-hmmm.
You have to believe that "Mirrors" might be up for Record or Song of the Year.
And I'm telling you if "Blurred Lines" doesn’t end up in either one of those categories Robin Thicke will sue the Academy (kidding love you Robin). 
Suit and Tie and Holy Grail (JT & Jay Z) will probably compete against one another in the Rap/Sung Collaboration category.

The R&B album category -TGT might even make a showing in this category. Let’s be honest, R&B albums come out all the time but who even knows the joint dropped? Tamar Braxton and K Michelle might duke it out in this category. I would be surprised if “Love and War” didn’t get into the Best R&B song category.
Last year there were 3 nominations for this Best Urban Contemporary Album category (Frank Ocean, Chris Brown & Miguel)…I still have no idea what Urban Contemporary means (even after reading the explanation) but I do wonder this "will the category make a reappearance". The academy also has a Best Traditional R&B Performance and again…I wonder.
I think Fantasia might get a nod for that #imo horrible “Lose to Win”.

I have found a new "Street Team" so if you don’t have Janelle Monae’s album "Electric Lady" you need to go and get it. NOW! And while it is critically acclaimed, I still haven’t heard any songs from it on the radio soooo...I wonder if she’ll receive a well deserved Grammy nod.

Best Rap Album is gonna be very interesting. People “hated” Magna Carter Holy Grail but it was a good album (perhaps not Jay’s best but still solid) so in my opinion, this year might be the year of the “underdog”.
Kanye’s Yezzus might not even make it in this category (Blood on the Leaves might show up in best Rap song) so expect to hear his disdain about this-lol.
J Cole and Kendrick Lamar both released great albums. 2 Chainz might end up in the category again this year- but he won’t win. Mac Miller might received a surprise nod or even Big Sean.
Even though it didn’t sell as much as his previous efforts, T.I. might even receive a nod (?).

Whew and I haven’t even scratched the surface of all the different categories. I don’t envy the academy (well maybe for their tickets to the award show and the after parties) because it’s so much. Plus there is so much music out there! Music that we don’t know about! I know the Grammy's has gotten pretty stale over the past few years. I could do without LL Cool J as the host too but this is still music’s big night. Wild outfits. Colorful speeches. Or is it wild speeches and colorful outfits? Either way we'll just have to stay tuned and find out what happens. 

Thursday, September 19, 2013

A Love Poem

I am in love with a chick named Temberly
Took me a minute to figure out she was diggin me
Sometimes I took her for granted, and didn’t respect her as I should
Then one day I realized that lovin her was, the foundation of everything true and good

See other guys was spittin they game tryin to stake claim to her mind, body and heart
Attempting to convince her that, their love was stronger than mine
Hoping she’ll fall victim to their deceit and lies
But my girl was smarter than they really knew or care to believe
She brushed them off one by one, two by two
And in the end the truth revealed it was always me

See I wouldn’t hurt her, I’d show her there was no worldly love greater than mine
She’d be my #1 and all others would have to fall behind (me)
Our love would be forever…it would last my lifetime

Not sure when the light came on for me but since then dimmin it, is not a possibility
See, I’m in love with a chick named Temberly…

I am in love with me. 

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Twerk Miley! Twerk Miley!

Um so here’s the thing. I am neither a fan nor do I “not like” Miley Cyrus. I think either she is really smart or very dumb-lol.

Really though I see her as a 20 year old girl, that didn’t have much of a childhood because she making dem Hannah Montana dollars, and now she is experiencing life. So was the twerking wrong because she is 20 and used to be on Disney? Or should she have waiting until she is whatever age Vivica Fox was when she was booty shaking with Lil Jon on stage? Or was the twerking wrong because all she was doing was shaking her back and entire performance (Robin, 2Chainz & Kdot included) was wack. I hate when people sing new shit on an awards show. SING BLURRED LINES!!! *ahem* excuse me…

The VMAs is known for da pale girl shock value (yall know I ain’t lying). Madonna’s Like a Virgin performance in the 80’s. Lisa Marie Presley and Michael Jackson making out on stage in the 90’s. And let’s talk about Brittney’s nude bodysuit performance. Brittney’s snake charming performance or the three way kiss that “shocked” the world with yup former Mouseketers Brittney Spears, Christina Aguilera and of course the queen of da pale girl shock value Madonna. And then Brittney didn’t want to be outdone and she came back with a performance of Gimme More…do you remember that? It was awful.

Miley is just following a carefully laid plan set forth by those that came before her.
Go “crazy” for what seems like a few years but is probably a few months but she always in the news it just seems like forever and then
1) become a judge on a reality competition television show or 2) have some babies and then adopt some babies and live on as living icon and then 3) “get your shit together” and tour with a new album
Note all these ladies have performed at the Superbowl and have won Grammys

Yall wait, in 3-5 years these twerking incidents are gonna be a distance memory but until then “twerk Miley, twerk Miley”.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

I get so emotional

Look Dammit!

There are still good people in the world and despite what is depicted on television- we outnumber the bad people.

Bad people don't "look" a certain way- they Think a certain way.

The government has been the same cloak of secrecy it's been for years- I don't know why people get surprised when more news comes out that they have been monitoring us (four words- Enemy of the State). We live in the best country in the world but hey, it's not without its faults.

My experiences in this world, this country, this state, this city are Mine. Please don't try to make them seem trite, small, big or an overreaction. And I will do the same for you.

Please don't assume Al Sharpton speaks for me and I won't assume Alan Keys, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coultier, Rachel Maddow, Min Farrakhan, Chris Matthews, or Melissa Perry Harris (whew) speaks for you. I speak for me. I am very capable of formulating my own opinion and sometime, I don't even mind sharing it.

Look dammit, we aren't going to agree on every single thing but that doesn't mean we have to resort to saying ugly things about one another. If you can't handle a debate don't step up to the lectern.

I am an optimist. I believe in change for the positive. I believe that conservatives, liberals, and independents can live in a country where compromise will truly be an action word. A world, where before someone reacts they will try to see the situation from another point of view other than their own. A world where people realize that we all want the same thing- love, prosperity, happiness, longevity and the sports (NFL, NBA, MLB, ect) package. Oh and a world where I can eat all the snickers blizzards I want and not gain any weight.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

"Obey Your Thirst"

I miss smiling.

I miss laughing so hard and so long that my stomach cramped up.
I mean laughing so hard it would look like I had abs!


Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just said, “take this job and shove it! I ain't working here no more”! I mean be on some, I don’t want to do this anymore and go off the “grid” (whatever the hell that means) but then I think about how much I like ratchet Mondays, toilets, East Wake Crafts, Wines and Beer (it’s a store) and sleeping on a king sized bed. So I stop thinking like that.

When people talked about the employees who allegedly received the ill treatment from Paula Deen and her brother. They would, “ask why stay if you weren't happy”?
Why stay someplace where you receive ill treatment? Uh cause they like walking into their house and turning the lights on…duh.
Now while my job doesn't require me to (allegedly) use only one entrance or bathroom nor do they ask me to participate in a ceremony where I would have to (allegedly) dress like slave…I am not a fan of what I am doing. But I still do it because I too like hitting a switch and my lights turn on.
I mean, I’m not and I “envy” people who do what they love to do everyday.
Mainly because (1) you have identified what it is you love to do and (2) you are able to perform this task everyday. So it’s like you don’t even work.
Millions of people will Never experience that.
You are really blessed.
Discovering what I love to do has been a lifelong struggle for me. Wait no…discovering what I love to do and then having the courage to DO IT has been a struggle for me (but I’m working on it).

For the rest of us we just have to continue to “fake till we make it” but I swear even faking it gets old (in every aspect but that is for another conversation).
We try to maintain some sense of desire for what we are doing even if we don’t love it.

It’s like drinking Sierra Mist but you really want a Sprite.
You will just pretend it’s a Sprite (even though it has a nasty aftertaste) and keep searching for the real Sprite.
Here’s the thing we have to get to a point where “Obey Your Thirst ”isn’t just be a commercial but something that we actually do..follow me with this.  
We have to smack that Sierra Mist out of hands that offer it to us…be on some “no, no, not in my house” demand the real thing.
We’ll understand that “thirst is everything”…we need that thirst because that represents the fire we have within.
And nothing else will quench the thirst we have except what we really desire.

So um…”Stay Thirsty My Friends” and keep searching, striving, and driving towards that one thing that will quench that thirst.

I know I was all over the play today but hell my mind be all over the place and I’m just inviting you in.
Have a seat…you want a Sierra Mist? <-- did you catch that…you didn't but it’s cool

*disclaimer* I am in no way endorsing any soft drink. 

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Do we give up too easily?

**explicit language ahead**

“If nothing lasts forever, what makes the love the exception” Andre 3000

Do we give up too easily?

Have we become a “fuck it- do you” generation?
When the times get tough do we throw in the towel prematurely (now of course there are exceptions so let’ s not get stupid because you know what I mean)?

Do we have unrealistic checklists or expectations of people who we are in relationships with? Or is it unrealistic to believe that love will last always? Are we allergic to monogamy? Are we constantly looking for the “next”- the newer, bigger, brighter, stronger replacement. Like are we just leasing people for 36 months or 45,000 miles and then trade them in for a slicker model?
I know I’m asking a bunch of questions but these are just my thoughts.

Should we blame our parents. For some strange reason society would like for us to believe the breakdown of two parent homes is a new thing…it’s not.
Many of our parents began to change how marriage was seen. Hell many of my classmates didn’t come from two parent homes, that ain’t a new thing. We are the generation of latch key kids for pete’s sake. So if the concept of marriage changed with their generation wouldn’t evolutionists say that it would change with our generation (and then again with our children and then our grandchildren, etc). Now I ask the question again…do we give up to easily? Or are we doing what we know?

I know people that I call “microwave bitches” and notice I said people- that phrase isn’t gender specific. These jokers want something quick and fast.
Three minutes and they have a complete meal…and even that’s too long. Understand that some items require a slow cooker.

Overnight cooking. Checking on it periodically cooking. Lifting up the aluminum foil and allowing that heat to smack you in the face cooking.
And the beauty about when you cook like that, people know that you are cooking up something good. They can that wonderful aroma.
Something is cooking...you dig what I’m saying. You understand how I laid that out…naw you didn't, but it’s cool.

Do you remember the question…do we give up too easily? Will “love” die with us? Can we still have love that last forever?
Are there any Ossie and Rubys left? Sherman and Adas? Bill and Camilles? Roland and Connies? Alvin and Glorias?

I think so.

I don’t think we give up too easily. I will say this, I do I think our tolerance for bullshit is less than our parents-lol- but I think we are going to be alright.
The loveless marriage for the sake of the children thing is fading into the past because it’s not a healthy way to teach/show your kids how to love.

I think love will not die nor do I think it's dead. I think we work for- what we must and what we care about- point blank.
If anything, we will have a new generation of forever loves.
We will redefine love.

 And the creature that love is will continue to grow and change but never go away.

Monday, July 8, 2013

Have we become our parents?

Have we become our parents? 
Growing up I can recall my parents asking me “what are you listening to?” Or  “you call that music?” As a child I was insulted. How dare they question the musical voices of my generation. Yes this is music, just as much those records you listen to. They would question the lyrics or the style of dress of my musical “idols” all the while forgetting the odd lyrics and/or the outfits of their own musical influences. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the first time I heard the song “Strokin” by Clarence Carter in its entirety (WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?!).

Have we become our parents?
I often ask myself this when I hear a song or music that I consider noise or wonder why the young person driving next to me just has to have all their windows down and the car stereo turned up to 10.

Have we become our parents?
I often think about that when I see a young lady with practically nothing on (where are your shorts little girl)- forgetting that during my high school days “daisy dukes” became Super popular (I never wore those).

Have we become our parents?
I can only speak for myself and while I don’t think I have fully morphed into my parents; I can see the maturity, along with the laugh lines forming that I see in/on my parents sprouting up on me. I can appreciate dinner and drinks with friends versus clubbing to 3am. I understand that while I want to “Turn Up!”- I better chill out- it’s Sunday and I have to be at work by 8am.
I recognize that noise pollution is just as annoying as any other form of pollution so I try to be courteous to my fellow drivers while riding home. Now, let me apologize in advance if you roll up beside me and “Power Trip” by J Cole is blasting because right now that is my “window down blast song”.
I also understand that any 90’s hip hop mix tape is great cookout music just like my parents knew that anything by Maze featuring Frankie Beverly was great cookout music.

Who would have known that becoming our parents would be such a smooth transition? It’s enough to freak the shit outta you. I thought there would be a ceremony or something. I think I’m still pretty hip though. I can’t imagine ever being completely like parents. I’m too cool for that.

Now let me go and get these kids because obviously they think I want to air condition the entire neighborhood, with all this running in and out of the house.

Peace and Peanut Butter. 

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

I'm a Grown Woman!

"I’m a grown woman/I can do whatever I want/I’m a grown woman/I can do whatever I want"-          
                                                                         Beyonce- Grown Woman

Understanding who you are as a woman takes years of  (1) learning about yourself (2) trusting yourself (3) trusting a higher authority (and I'm not talking about Oprah)
(4) belief...in something. All these things happen through eye opening, life changing experiences.  There's a reason it's called "getting grown" -it doesn't happen overnight. 

It takes nights with tears rolling down your face. 

It takes days of looking up towards the sky and soaking up the sunshine and God's grace smiling down upon you. 

Heartbreak and heartache. 
Love. Love lost. 

Becoming a woman is a process and it doesn't have shit to do with your age, your boobs, or your period. Hell I know a slew of older, menstruating, big chested Little Girls. 

Becoming a woman changes your walk. 
Your back gets straighter and you hold your head a little bit higher. 

Becoming a woman changes your language because you are comfortable with expressing yourself- good, bad, or indifferent. 

Becoming a woman makes you sexy...almost instantly because you love yourself and carry yourself as such and that makes you desirable. 

Becoming a woman is like raising a garden, it takes watering, nurturing, and love. 
Then when you blossom, its like the most beautiful sight. 
People notice, even if you aren't aware. 

Your smile and the way your eyes shine and dance even though you could be going through some of your toughest times...grown woman. 

Making tough decisions and facing the reality of your situation (relationships, weight, education, professional, financial)...grown woman. 

Setting up a payment plan for an overdue bill (seriously, stop lying to them people)...grown woman. 

Recognizing your faults and then, working on them...grown woman. 

Loving yourself even if no one else does (but trust me, someone does!)...grown woman.

It really is a beautiful thing when you recognize a grown woman. 

I can't wait until I'm grown!   

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Pop Pop Pop vs pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop

I really don't understand. What is wrong with restricting high capacity magazines? Oh they are gonna take away our liberties and the right to bear arms. That's right because the "founding fathers" were killing their meat with assault rifles that pump out 50 rounds per squeeze. Come on. Like for real.

*sigh* I am pro Gun. Surprised ya didn't I! I think every woman should know how to properly handle a weapon. If she is going to own one, I think that heifer needs a background check, especially the crazy ones that I know.

Seriously man, can't we agree to something? It's like we just want something to be pissed off about. Most of the people complaining probably have never even handled a weapon (a 9mil, let alone a MP5<--and don't even know what that is).

They just talking but not saying nuffin.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

That's Just My Baby Daddy

Seriously I hate the phrase and the phrase "baby momma". Now with that being said, I know I can't be the only person that wants to check out Shawty Lo's potential reality television about his 11 kids and 10 different *sigh* "baby mommas". Okay so I watched the trailer and honestly it didn't seem off putting. The mother's all have a working relationship not only with Carlos <--his real name-->but with one another. They even have nicknames. And people are likening that to Flavor Flav nicknaming his potential ladies but I think this is different. They know each other's names but they also have a nickname for one another. Like when your grandmother calls you Peanut or Buckethead. And well if you act like the "Baby Momma from Hell" then dammit that's what people are going to call you. Hell better that than bitch, right? Right.

I don't know, given the current state of reality television as a whole, not just those with black casts, this show would fit right in. Critics say it glamorizes a situation like this, funny 16 and Pregnant is still on the air-with a spin off (Teen Mom) mind you. People say the word exploitation...have you seen Toddlers and Tiaras? Fact is you know at least one person that has had to deal with a situation like this. One of my best friends....her dad has like 50 children. Five- Zero. I know he can't name all them jokers. At least Carlos is providing not just financial support but emotional support for his children. I say let's not make him a scapegoat and don't pull a Spike Lee- watch it before you criticize the hell out of it.

I know that if this show had a different title, it wouldn't have even made this much noise. They should rename it and put some variation of the word "wife" in it or the letter K and it would go to the top of the ratings board. You know The Real Non Housewives of Shawty Lo or Girlfriends that didn't become Wives...or Keeping up the Kardashians, Shawty Lo style.

Monday, January 7, 2013

"Mad Monday"

sigh...I know that I can be very cynical and even pessimistic at times -yes, it's true, I can be a "Charlie Brown" while being a Linus for others. Yet even I have to say that reading comments on online article posts can leave me feeling like "what the French?" is wrong with people? 

Cyber gangsters are THE WORSE! They sit at home in front of their computers (iPad, MAC, PC) and proceed to blast and spew their negativity all over the comment box. I have seen negative comments on things dealing with the military and I think to myself, if it wasn't for these very same people you wouldn't be allowed to make such comments. Long gone are they days when people would write to the newspaper- leaving their name and city. See cyber gangster don't have the balls to be an editorial gangster; because an editorial gangster will have to back up what they say. If they get caught out there in the streets then-they will argue in person- GASP!- yes in person. I know the internet has made it impossible for some people to know how to carry on a face to face conversation. It's something we used to do in the "olden days". Editorial gangsters have conviction in their beliefs and will stand up for them. They won't say things online behind the guise of a made up name (not realizing their IP address makes them traceable)...sigh. 

On most occasions I try to avoid the comments sections because I already know...and it doesn't even matter...human interest story, finance story, US story, entertainment, sports etc- a cyber gangster will be there with their little gang of merry men leaving dumb, asinine comments for all the world to see