Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Assure then Reassure

Often times men say women are complicated. Women don’t know what they want and honestly on some cases they are right (lol). I do think that men fall into the ‘video vixen’ belief. First they want their girl friend, shorty, boo, whatever to look like she just walked off the set of a G-Unit video. Look guys we know you don’t have Fifty’s dollars. We know you aren't cashing CEO checks like Jay-Z so don’t think we are gonna be Beyonce fly all the time…okay now that I have that out of the way lemme break something down.

I am going to give you a little secret about women and that’s not a secret…you don’t follow? Okay lemme try to break it down some more. Some of the things a woman desires aren’t a secret. Usually they are things that she has said to you over and over-you just have to pay attention.

It’s the little things. Yes a woman likes to be wined and dined. Shopping sprees, new this or that…you know on some throw it in the bag type game BUT we know that this is real life and everybody don’t have it like that. Now of course the offering to carry a bill one month is always a nice touch; but you can go smaller and still win points.

First- Listen to your woman. When I say listen to her, I mean really listen to her. Do you realize that all day at work, unless she is running her own business, your woman has to fight to be heard? Even the smallest things like what to eat for lunch (lol). She wants to be heard; longs for it so when she comes home and talks to you…listen. Remember this because it will help you in the long run. While you are listening to her, rub her feet (lol) but really you should participate. Active listening is a plus. 

Second- Make her laugh. If I don’t know anything I know that a sense of humor is sexy! Very sexy. I could look at Common’s beautiful, sexy, caramel complected, self all day (hmmm-sorry I had a moment) but if that joker couldn't make me laugh I would drop him in a hot (365 days) second. Seriously look at Chris Rock-Look at him! This is a guy who played one of the most memorable crack heads in motion picture history, but he can make you laugh. How else do you think he got his wife…Look at her!
Need another example…Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy. She is a former Playmate. He used to play Fire Marshall Bill.
Tom Green and Drew Barrymore (she married that dude and gave him a part in Charlie’s Angels). Need something closer to home, okay. Look at your boi from around the way and look at his girl. Your dude, he working but he always broke…now look how his lady holds him down. He making her ass laugh!

Third- Get out of the house. No not to a club or even a restaurant…how about go for a walk. It’s a great way to exercise and de-stress (and allows for more communication). And if a woman is stress-less you know what that means…nudge-nudge…wink-wink.

Fourth- Bring home a movie she’s been talking about renting (this is when that listening plays off). The movie, some popcorn and a bottle of wine (I like Moscato) makes for a great night and maybe even a happy ending (even if the main character dies...nudge-nudge...wink- wink).

Now I am going to go a little deeper, say you messed up. I mean you messed up royally and you are trying to make amends. Okay well you are gonna have to apologize. And then apologize for apologizing. Next in the words of Charlie Wilson, “if you just show me you love me, you don’t have to say a word”, show her that you are serious. Show her that you want to be with her. Right now you are going to have to assure and reassure her that you are sincere in your actions (and your words).You could go out and spend all your money and depending on the person, it may work but usually it’s only a temporary fix. I mean, she just aint going to trust you, any time soon. Hell she may not even like you but that is when you just keep apologizing. You might feel like dang either forgive/forget or I’m out…but don’t say that-because she might tell you to step. If she is worth it and you are worth it… things will work out. If not then you might want to pack your lil raggedy duffle bag and step (lol). 

Try some of these things for your lady or the lady you want in your life. Try them...if none of these work, I'll buy you a shot (of reasonably priced liquor).

Peace and Peanut Butter!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

"Think like a Man"? Ummm why?

I'd like to first say this isn't a diss of the movie or book, this piece is merely referring to the usage of the phrase, Think Like a Man. 

I've had several conversations with guys over the years and often I've heard this phrase "I wasn't thinking". Is this what we should do? Become mindless zombies? I mean let's be honest, who really "think"? They can't even remember to change the toilet paper roll, put the seat down or wipe down the counter. So how can we deduce they actually think? 

So Yes, you should act like a lady but you should also be *hey, come closer* a lady knows when to shut her mouth. A lady who knows when to bring the bitch out. A lady who knows who she is, what she deserves, and what she will accept (basically her compromises). But thinking like a man, might get you in some trouble.  

Again this is about the phrase-this not about the book or the movie.  

Ladies if you have ever been cheated on, raise your how did you find out? Was it a confession? Did the 'other woman' call you? Or did your man's lack of thinking and your deductive reasoning pretty much clue you in on what was going on? Or did something he say or do make you roll up to his house at 1am to see who was up in dat mudda chucker? Oh it didn't...yeah me either.  

Anyway...I think women should just think like they have some common sense. Or better yet think about their mother...follow me now. Most people believe their mothers deserve someone that will be kind and caring, respectful, decent and good to them. Why should you want anything less (common sense). If your momma had a string of dirtbags, you saw what they did to her and you would pray that a good man would come into her life- why should you be any different (common sense). Demanding respect doesn't make you a bad person, just one w/common sense.  

Look, you are a wonderful person and if you are waiting for someone to pass that on to you then I encourage you to talk to yourself more often. Gitcho ass in the mirror and say "even when imma mess, I still put my vest with a S on my chest- shit I'm a Superwoman!" Or "I am beautiful no matter what they say" Or hell one of Beyonce's, Tina's, India's, Natasha's (love Unwritten), claim your own anthem. 

Know all the words to "I'm every woman" not just "No hands". Adapt an Aretha you want to sing "Natural Woman" when you think about your man or "Do Right Woman"?  

Knowing you are "Superwoman", "Beautiful", or hell every woman doesn't mean be a stuck up bitch, it means that you know enough to validate yourself so you aren't waiting on the curb for the first Slick Dick Willie to smile at you and tell you that. 

Now if that's thinking like a man then I co-sign but to's thinking like you have some common sense. 

Thursday, May 3, 2012

It's my money! And I want it now!!

I think it’s safe to say that everyone has debt (if you don’t congratulations) which they think about often.  You may think about it when you are paying your bills each month or when you get a threatened phone call from an 866 number. But I would like to say that nothing, nothing can get me to think about my debt until I think about the people that owe me money. Or when I see or talk to the people that owe me money and they telling me about some new shit they just brought. Or some new trip they just went on. Or…oh, oh, oh how they mad because someone owes Them money- say what sucka?

Now I am well aware of the saying, if you can’t afford it then you should loan it out. Weeeeell when I gave the money I was in a position better than what I am right now. It’s like I was a franchise QB then and now I'm Terrell Owens. Man, just gimme my money.

Now I am well aware that some may say, consider that money gone. You didn’t loan it you actually gave it to them. And to them I say, you should punch your kindergarten teacher in the face because L doesn’t sound like G. It don’t…sound it out…I’ll wait. L, L, Loan me said amount. G, G, Give me said amount.  See the difference?

Now I am well aware that some may say, maybe they forgot. Maybe you need to remind them? And to them I say, put your hand up, draw it back, and then slap the shit outta yourself. You never forget where you got money from…because it enables you to remember who & where to return to if you need more. Don’t you know where all the ATM’s are within a 5 mile radius of your house? And I bet you even know the ones that don’t charge a fee or the ones that still shell out $10. Your ass doesn’t need a calendar alert. Man, just gimme my money!

I would also like to note that when I talk about owing money I am not talking about $20 or even $200…I’m talking $500 and up. I’m not venting but rather piggy backing off of something I saw yesterday on a friend’s Facebook status. She noted that why is it, when people pay you back (first let’s say a thank you and give a hand clap because you got your money back) they do so with an attitude? I mean did I have an attitude when I wrote that check out or transferred that money or put that cash in your hand? Man, just gimme my money.

Experiences of the past, 6 years have learned me real good- do not loan or give people money. Just don’t do it! You’ll only cause yourself grief.  I would also like to note that…

I learned back in 2000 to not borrow money from people. Yes about 12 years ago. I asked someone I considered my brother to borrow money; he gave me the money but then he clowned me in front of some people about it.  I remember leaving the gathering, rolling to the ATM, returning and putting the money in his hands. See I have enough clown worthy traits, my brokenness should be left alone.  So I don’t ask for money…if I do it’s a rarity. I will go without or go work the pole but I’m not going to ask anyone for it.

I know at some point you should take the L and say the hell with it and to that I say (say it with me now) Man, gimme my money!!!!!!