Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Saggy Boobies- Random Thoughts

Have you ever stood in front of a full length mirror- naked

Not you heffas in your 20's...this is for my over 35 crowd. 

Let me walk you through my mind. Be careful and watch your step. 

#SingleLife    #RelationshipGoals    #LoveIsNotDead    #SaggyBoobies   #Random

So, some 10 years ago (dang!) I watched this "Oprah" episode dedicated to boobs. Yeah!
Breasts, titties, mosquito Bites, melons, cans..all that; I think it had something about bras. 
You know how we aren't wearing the correct size and we need to get fitting regularly because breasts change sizes with weight gain and loss and blah blah blah blah.

Well, there was this test they said you could to see if your boobs were already starting to sag. 
And like a dummy, I took the test. Remember this was ten years ago so, the boobs were still sitting up noice.  I mean, at least I thought there were. 
So the test went like this...get a pencil or pen, place it under your boob, and then put your arms down. Does the pencil/pen move, slip out, or fall? No- then your boobs are still sitting up high. Congratulations. If it does- your boobs are starting to sag. Or maybe is was if your nipple hangs below the pencil when you sit or stand...I don't remember but that's not important. I mean it is but its not.

Cut to- present day and me standing in front of this full length mirror. 
Yeah, I'm brave like that, even though I typically don't wear my glasses when I do it so I look skinnier but I digress.
Standing here makes me wonder...especially since it's been 10 years...what constitutes saggy boobs. 
I mean I know that boobs sag, I know this. Hello I took the quiz but are they only considered saggy when they like touch your stomach? Is it all about the nipple?  Like when they droop or don't point straight out? I really hope not because mine are cross eyed. I'm not sure if that helps or hinders me. 

Do guys really care about saggy boobies? I mean can't you just pick up them the same way you would cup a supple one? 
And what is a supple breast anyway. Supple means bending and moving easily; flexible-shoot that's a saggy boob. 
So, I guess me and my saggy, supple boobies don' have anything to worry about. 


Switching Teams

First I want to thank you all for being here. 
I really appreciate you reading this. 

After much consideration this year
Ups and Downs
And still falling short 

I have decided to...take my talents to women.

#SingleLife    #RelationshipGoals   #LoveIsNotDead    #SwitchingTeams


I'm switching teams.

I like Your girl now and not like how I used to like her. I like her, Like her.

So ladies,  hit me up 

Uh but only if you are between the sizes 8-14.
I really the only believe the only reason for me to switch teams is to maximize my closet. And I've been an 8 and a 14 so if my new boo wants to embark on a cleanse with her or go to the Beer, Bacon and Bourbon festival with her, I'm cool with that. soooo yeah.

Look, so let me say this, before I get inundated with messages- I'm kidding...I mean unless someone wants to take me out to dinner. I haven't been taken out to dinner in a minute. I will even get dressed up for you. I will press my yoga pants. 

I just want to say to my fellow single folks. 

hey - its gonna be okay.
everything is gonna be alright
it will
because you are smart, kind, important and beautiful.


don't nobody want us so oh well.