Wednesday, July 23, 2014

I am not my hair? But aren't I?

For many black women, you know what scratch that. I don't want this piece to get bogged down with race (even though I can only identify with a black woman because *come close* I am a black woman. I know right- shocker). 
So allow me to start over... 

For many Women, including myself- we can become overly attached to our hair. Our hair is our crowning glory. Its been with us all our lives and unless illness takes it from you, chances are you would never get rid of it. Oh you'll try different colors, different angles but you always bring it back. I know women who sported short, flattering dos for years and then their hair got longer and longer and longer and well you get my point. You tell a woman you are thinking - just thinking- about cutting your hair and the responses range from confusion, shock, upset, to them telling you not to do it. Its like you told them you were getting a divorce. 

But in actuality- isn't that what it is? I'm sure there are many women who would disagree and say "oh its just hair" but those are women who've already divorced their hair. Or weren't really in a "committed" relationship with their hair. They made the big chop so any aversion to a chop seems foreign to them. 
But for us others things are a bit different. 

If you want to know if a woman is going through something, look at the top of her head. All of her secrets lie in all those locks (or lack thereof). A ponytail, a wrap,twists, braids, fade, jerri curl (they are still out there)...all these styles tell a story. Some, a trapped in the 80's story, but a story nonetheless. 

India Arie had a song, "I am not my hair" but even she is rocking "hair" now. 
We give our hair so much power (return to my earlier statement about knowing if a woman is going through something). If we need to "cut someone out of our life"...we cut off our hair. We feel weighted down by something- we cut the weight off...from our hair. We get a fresh do...we feel like we are on the top of the world. 

So, what is it about our hair? I don't really have an answer but I will continue doing research via different hairstyles on this journey called life. And if I come up with an answer, I'll be sure to share. 

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Shut don't go up...

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies...

Ya know sometimes you just have to be quiet...don't say anything.
Or maybe I should say it so you really get my point- don't say nothing!

I know it's hard but sometimes silence speaks much louder than any words.
Have you ever heard the expressions, "silence is golden" or "silence is loud"?
They are true.

You don't always have to have the last word.
That extra "okay"...yeah keep that to yourself and save it for a rainy day.
That long "uh huuuh" you feel creeping out of your mouth- shut it down.
Trust me...I know it is very hard.
I mean the phrase is right there and it just wants to come out and say "yeah right" but don't do it.
Keep the thought to yourself (you already having a conversation in your mind anyway).

Here's the thing, typically nothing good comes from those extra ad-libs and comments.
You are more likely to cause yet another argument (or prolong the heated discussion you are already involved in).
Just go to your corner and save your energy.
Take a moment.
Breathe and think of better comebacks than "okay" and "uh huuuh" <--you are better than those!

This has been a TJ-PSA.


Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Loyalty, Schmalolaty...What does it really mean?

I’m lost…has “loyalty” become the new buzz word of 2014? YOLO- remember that?
I mean it’s everywhere. On Facebook, twitter, Instagram, and the top 10 charts. All of a sudden everyone seems very interested in the loyalty of those around them. Why now? You weren't concerned with it before? And What really defines loyalty?
Well according one of the hottest songs out right now…it’s staying with a broke n*gga. Even though the song clowns him because said hoe (I'm not sure if this when she becomes a hoe or was she always a hoe) leaves the underfinanced gentleman and takes up with another guy because he is in a better place financially. Thus translating to being a unloyal hoe.  
Ooooookay-lol. That is know this right?
Sooo if the chick upgrades you for someone with fatter pockets does that forever create a cycle on unloyalness?
Interesting. Does this translate to all relationships or just romantic because folks do this with jobs all the time. Trust me if the EEOC offers me a better job than my current employer...well Imma take my talents to the EEOC.
Here is a question, if the guy drops said chick for another chick with say, better “assets” does that make him an unloyal hoe?
Or how about this,  if you pursue a woman that you believe is a hoe, don’t you kind of set yourself up for the inevitable unloyal cycle?
See, I thought Snoop said some almost twenty years ago that “I don’t love these hoes” so why is a hoe’s unloyal/ anti-loyal behavior an issue? Or surprise for that matter.
If you don’t love a hoe, losing a hoe should be the equivalent of losing a bobby pin. Another one will appear out of nowhere when you need one (or least expect it) so losing one isn't going to be the end of the world. 
Back to this new buzz word “loyalty”, what makes a person loyal? A person that is there through thick and thin despite whatever is going in their life? *cue scene from “Love and Basketball”…”I had to make curfew!” Sometimes we expect a great deal from people not realizing that they too have shit going on in their lives and bailing you out for the umpteenth just not on their agenda right now. 
Sometimes being loyal, means leaving you alone. Meaning you and I both know what you are doing is stupid and I am tired of telling you the same thing over and over sooooo Imma let you do your thing. But know that I love you and I will always be there for you. I just can't support *insert whatever foolishness they are involved in*. Loyalty isn't about constantly agreeing with someone. A real loyal person will call you out on your shit. Loyalty doesn't have anything to do with how long you known a person either. There isn't some secret test. I guess you just know. Well, I figure by the end of the year "Loyalty" will see just how loyal folks are; because by then it'll be on to the next new phrase. It'll probably have something to do with whatever "hoes" ain't doing ("these hoes ain't cooking. these hoes ain't cleaning").