Do you find it harder to speak to someone once it has turned romantic versus just a simple friendship?
Well hell join the club.
I am that "girl". You know the one...cool with all the guys. Can laugh and burp around them. Not afraid to tell them they have food in their teeth or when their breath stinks. I am "oh that's just Tee Jay" and I am cool with that. Of course sometimes, I have to reign them in and remind them I am a woman but all in all, I am comfortable with this uniform I chose to put on. Now you would think this would make it easier for me to talk to men...it doesn't. When it comes to talking to a guy on a romantic level...I feel like a nerd in an 80's teen movie except I don't get cooler as the time progresses.
I have to think about what I am going to talk about-seriously. I rehearse the conversation in my head. There have been times when I would have several different responses to said conversation,so I could be prepared...yes these were in my head <--and no, I am not crazy. Well just a little...I don't know maybe not... It's weird. I know of three guys I could call right now and have a easy breezy conversation with. Shoot it may last for 30-45 mins...laughing and everything.
If I were to call someone I was interested in...it would be very different. I always feel that when I am talking to them...the stakes change. Feelings are involved. I should be on my best behavior...I don't want him to see me as one of the guys. I usually can't sit still. I pace back and forth...I am so embarrassed to reveal this.
I remind myself Do Not Burp out loud (cause maaaan I'm good-sorry).
When/If he burps it's not a competition (even thought secretly it is).
Don't snort (when I laugh)!
Don't be hella sarcastic (super hard).
Now some people are thinking right now..."well you are changing yourself, you should be you"...And to them I say- Shut the hell up. I'm being me...just an awkward, baby calf learning to walk version. When you start a new job, are you "you" day one? Hell naw or you wouldn't have gotten hired. You slowly introduce your office to your loud unprofessional music and ringtones (Did your phone just say, "Slap a nigga head"?). You slowly let them know that you arrive whenever it is convenient for you (8 am is too early). And they learn to adapt or you get fired...that is how things are.
Some people are like well if I am going to date you or I'm interested in you...then I wanna be your friend first and to that I say "HAHAHAHAHA! Please stop!!" Let's keep it pimping, they're people that you meet and being their "friend" is the furthest from your mind. Even if you want to date the person you are not thinking about being their "friend" <---that's the zone you don't want to visit or get caught in...you wanna know how to get them drawers. Hey it is what it is, I didn't make it that way.
**Of course you want your significant other to be your friend and you should court and get to know one another **
Still for me...it's difficult. I am working on it. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I fall flat on my face. Sometimes I put myself in the friend zone because I forget that I should be trying to show romantic interest and not adding another person my bropack (membership is filled).
Look, I don't have any homespun wisdom to leave you with. Sometimes the person is just as nervous as you are...even if they look calm and relaxed...man I don't know. Hell if you have some tips please pass it along-lol. I will say this...we are going to be okay. Someone out there loves us and the way we get tongue tied.
Now if you excuse I have a phone call to rehearse...I mean make.