Women Issues #21

Don't you hate it when you are mad at someone and they don't know you are mad at them...and even though you drop subtle hits they still don't get that you are mad! And then they gone ask you if you mad and when you say "No" they still didn't pick up that you were in fact actually upset with them. I mean didn't you see my face? Didn't you see how I cut my eyes? Haven't you noticed how quiet I got?! Yes I am mad and I get even more upset by the minute because you haven't figured that it out yet!

Maaaan some people are just slow.

**If you are nodding your head in agreement (saying yes and Amen like you are in Sunday service) then you  obviously can't detect sarcasm. And that makes me wonder if you have understood any of my posts or if you are here to throw shade...Look people aren't mind readers (okay I should rephrase that because I can actually read minds...but then again I am not a person. I can't tell you what I am; I have already divulged too much).
If I ask you if you are upset and you say "No" and three days later you bring up the issue...please don't get mad when I give you my GTFOH face aka "get the f^ck outta here" face. Learn to express not repress your feelings. If you need to table the issue and bring it back up at a later date then say that...don't say, "No" when there is something wrong.

Yup just another random thought...I know what you are thinking and I am going to do that right now. Oh you weren't thinking I should go and get a cookie...you sure? You positive? You just don't want to admit it because it would freak your mind...I understand. And you're welcome.

Dr. James is in the house...

So, I just finished watching a Sex in the City marathon, He's just not that into You and reading Act like a Lady, Think like a Man plus a bunch of Maxim, Cosmo, Glamour, King, and FHM magazines. Shoot people call that girl from What Chilli Wants and Steve Harvey relationship experts so you know what...I feel as though I am now a qualified relationship expert.

Dr. James is in the house...the (Tough) Love Doctor-brahahahaahaa

Dear Dr, I am dating a guy that never takes me anywhere. The only time we see each other is late at night when he comes to my house after the club. On the weekend its hard for me to get in contact with him. I text and he doesn't text back. I call and well same thing. I know he does me wrong...but I love him. What should I do. 'In love with Mr. Wrong'

Dear In Love, 1st stop using a Mary J Blige song to justify your situation. If you are going to need a song pick Be Happy and live by that. 2nd recognize that you are Not dating this guy, you are sleeping with him and um yup that's about it. 3rd it's time for you to make a big decision...continue to allow this destructive behavior-because you are the one allowing it-or cut sling load. Cut him off. Does he bring any value to your life (don't count things that a battery operated device can do)? How does he they make you feel. How do you feel when you're around him? How about when he leaves?  *tough love* He is treating you the way you want to be treated because you are allowing it. Each time you open that door, you are saying I am fine with how things are.

Time for you to put your big girl drawers on and make a tough decision. 

Maaaaaan that didn't happen

You ever been around someone or better have a friend that whenever they start to talk your bullshit meter hits full...quick?! Or you have to give them the "I am so interested in what you're saying" face but in your head you are thinking maaaaaan that didn't happen.

So I am at dinner with friends...we out celebrating life, love, happiness and the wonders of the world. So we started talking about something... oh Chris Brown. I was trying to make a point about him being is young but more important he needs better people in his corner. I referenced the Good Morning America interview and how he didn't know, I guess, how to get the interview back on track. Blah, blah, blah, he flipped out afterwards...blah blah blah.

I say that most entertainers have their publicist give the network/magazine/interviewer/etc a list of  "off limit" questions and or topics. I brought up the interview Oprah and Elizabeth Taylor. I was like Oprah said it was so difficult because Liz wouldn't answer certain questions, even though Oprah asked them (knowing full well they were off limits). And how Liz was visibly upset BUT she didn't trash any dressing rooms when it was over...she just shut down during the interview.

I know I'm rambling but I am trying to paint a picture here. I'm getting to the good part (I promise).

So one of my dinner companions was like yeah and then another time she interviewed her, Oprah found out that Elizabeth Taylor sat on the board of the KKK. Oprah had on the perfume White Diamonds and stopped mid interview to go and take a shower and told her she would never be allowed back on her show.

Uh huh so you mean that Elizabeth Taylor...woman who claimed Judaism as her religion (that means she was a Jew) was on the board of the KKK. Uh huh...I mean I don't claim to be an expert on the KKK but I don't think they like Jews. And you mean the KKK had a Woman...sit on their board <---and what is this board you speak of?
Now while I don't claim to have seen Every episode of Oprah, I have seen a bunch and I really don't remember this one. Perhaps because it never happened but hey, who am I to say it didn't *blank stare*

If you could have seen the faces of the rest of my dinner companions while this story was being told. Some haven't mastered the "I am so interested in what you are saying" face like I have. A few had the "shut the hell up" face on or "you are such a liar" face...I even saw a "where is the waitress, cuz Imma need a drink to believe this mess" face. It was a mess! Eventually after the crickets stopped we went ahead and closed that topic because we couldn't bear to hear about something else that...well, didn't happen.

Yup that's it...some of these posts will be random because that's the name of my blog (duh) and that's how I roll.

I think I found a pulse

"Chivalry is dead. And women killed it" Dave Chappelle

Chivalry is hard to spell man! I messed that word up like three times before spell check was like you are a dumb chick, let me figure this word out and spell it for your dumb tail...my bad I got caught up...where was I.

First of all...Chivalry is Not dead but it is on life support. It's up to women to nurse it back to health since we are the ones that have kicked the life out of it...well not all the life but hell we damn near tried. Men try to be chivalrous, well not All men because some of them are schmucks but this isn't about them. I mean its not much a man can do it we are constantly telling them "I don't need you because I am I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t" or "I can get the door my damn self" or whatever else it is we (yes I said we because I remember when I used to say that garbage) say to try to convince ourselves.

Look, being treated like a lady is nice and nice to see. You don't believe me, look at older couples. Not couples in their 40's or 50's...I'm talking about couples that have been together that long (for 40 or 50 years). This man opens the door for his woman. He pulls her chair out. He makes sure that she is on the inside when they walk down the street (if you don't know what I am talking about...and you have a man...and yall have walked down the street-you might wanna make sure he isn't the beneficiary on your life insurance). This old man treats her like a lady, because she allows him to be the man. It doesn't mean she is weak or less than him; it means she loves herself and recognizes how she should be treated. Having someone open your door doesn't make you less of an Independent woman- besides no one said anything about paying your Electric bill (since being independent means ya pay their own bills).

So here is the plan...we are going to remove chivalry off life support -it's displaying significant signs of life, you know breathing on its own-and send it home today.

Here are some tips you should practice at home to keep it healthy.

* Recognize when you are dealing with a man (and it does take more than having a penis).
* After the shock of discovering you are dealing with a man...ease up on the resistance. Men are usually prepared for this but too must resistance may cause chivalry to break and it's very hard to repair (as you know).
* Chivalry is a two way street. If you want to be treated like a lady...act like one.
* Don't forget to say thank you.

We all need to do our parts with nursing chivalry back to health. If not for us, for future generations.

And I'm out

A Hype Man

On the real don't you think it would be cool if everyone had their own hype man...

at your job! Just like comedians or rappers cuz hell they working.

Like imagine Steve Harvey introducing you. Or a cool DJ from a radio station (Mine would be DJ Bee from 103 Jamz or even DJ Fountz <---he has a nice voice- both from VA).  Or maybe Cory Hill from the E93 (I think). 

Okay I'm losing you...any way your introduction might sound something like this...

Yo! Yo! Yo! coming to the office is the best of the best! 

The most efficient & creative employee this office has seen in years! 

You've seen them in the break room.

You've seem them parking lot.

And now they are here!

Imma need you to Get out yo mudda effing seats and show this employee some mudda effing love cuz they are about to do some damn work up in this biatch!

The office goes wild!!!!

People are dapping you up while you make your way to your desk. 

They are chanting your name! Asking for autographs. Saying they wanna have your baby. Throwing they drawers at you (okay stop-that's a RED light for Sexual Harassment-now back to the fantasy)

You're smiling. You're pumped and ready to start your work day.

You slide into your desk, throwing one more peace sign to your colleagues.

And then you get on Facebook...status update: at work :(