Thursday, April 10, 2014

Happy or Sad- it's your call


“Clap along, if you feel like a room without a roof”—Out the box. Limitless.
“Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth”— Being sad (even though is happens) sucks. A hot shower, cold shot and/or a smile.

As Benjamin Franklin once said “The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself 

“Clap along, if you know what happiness is to you”—My family, framily, friends, love, laughter… 
“Clap along if you know that’s what you want to do” – I’m clapping!!!
 
Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.” Dale Carnegie

Thirteen weeks ago…I had surgery to repair a torn ACL and inner and outer meniscus (that’s like three surgeries yo!).

About a week later I heard Pharrell’s “Happy” and burst into tears. I had just went to my first physical therapy appointment and I didn’t think I would be able to my knee back. I just sat there listening to this man talk to me about four weeks of this and then four weeks of that...and I was like “what did I just do to myself?” 
 
I mean, it hurt. It hurt like hell to stand up. It hurt to sit down. It was uncomfortable to lie down with my leg elevated. I hated my crutches.  I know, I know but still...it hurt.

I hated feeling helpless and then I heard this song and he says “clap along ,if you know that’s what you want to do” and instead of clapping I cried. I cried because I really did want to be happy, I did. I cried because I thought I was strong enough to handle recovery. I cried because I realized I wasn’t the “Superwoman” I once was…I was just like everyone else-lol. I had a weakness (more than just Hostess Cupcakes). I also think I was crying because I was high all the time. I don’t know how people function like that. I mean I only had a small dose and I still had the “Dropsies”. But I digress.. 

Thirteen weeks doesn’t seem that long but in that time, I can squat (you can’t imagine how interesting it was for me to go to the bathroom), I’m no longer using those blasted crutches, I’m not longer in the hellacious brace, and I can ride the bike now (if you saw me on my first day, you would have wanted to give me a hug-and I would have gladly taken it)!

My stamina is increasing. I am lunging, squatting, stepping up, curling, bending…I am getting my happy back. And it all began with me.  See after I cried...I cried some more but then I realized why I was crying. I was scared. I was scared to fail (and fall-literally). I was scared that I would never be “Superwoman” again and once I realized all that, I took charge.  I took charge of my recovery. I took charge of my "happy"!

For starters I took my fat ass to the gym and decided to work “with” my therapy instead of working “against it” (meaning I did my homework-for all you slow people).
I am not where I want to be…but I’m damn sure not where I used to be.
Each day I get better and betterer.
For that I clap!
I clap, because I am happy! 

Where is my damn cape?!

Sunday, March 30, 2014

I'm a people watcher


Okay this is when my randomness probably matches your randomness. 
The random act of people watching. It's really awesome and can help melt time away in pretty much any situation. Prime areas to people watch are the movies, the mall, the airport and (I know yall were waiting on this one) Walmart. Church does get an honorable mention but its more like wig/weave watching. And restaurants are also good places. 
Now some people are probably like, "people watching, what's that?" and to them I have two things to say the first- man please you know good damn well what I mean when I say people watching. Then again (the second thought) if you don't chances are You are the person being watched- HA. There are several things that might go through your mind while people watching. Really its more like a series of random questions. Do they not have mirrors in their house? Why do you think that still fits? Did it ever fit? Is their a lotion shortage? Where are you going? Are their friends evil? Did you make them mad? I bet he drinks heavily at night (oh snap that's the pilot). You must be super confident? 
And then there is another trickling thing that might go through your head, or perhaps it's just mine. Who is watching me? I mean, while I am watching all these other folks, is someone watching me? Did they just see me kind of dig up my nose, I mean I didn't go All the way up my nose, just a little bit?
 
 

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Let's Get Married!

Can I talk you about one of my fears for a moment? No, this not about my fear of eventually becoming a contestant on “The Biggest Loser” or having toilet water splash on my booty while I’m on the commode. This is the “other” fear…marriage.
 
Ten years ago I was so ready to get married and have babies. I totally romanticized the notion of marriage. I thought about the wedding. The dress. Band or DJ? My bridesmaids. Keep in mind I didn’t even have a candidate for the groom but that didn't keep me from thinking about/planning it.
I think every girl, at least once, thinks about her wedding. Even the most hardcore of females, thinks about the day where all eyes are on her and there is a massive Soul Train line and ChaCha slide. And that’s what I thought about until...the feelings subsided.
 
Seven years ago the feelings returned- stronger than ever- and this time I had someone for the candidate of the groom (YEAH). I was older but not wiser because I still saw marriage as some romantic fairytale. I blame romantic comedies. You know the ones where the guy “says” he doesn’t want to get married and then the girl creates this happy, blissful life that the guy changes his mind because what he meant all along was “I didn’t want to get married until you convinced me”. As I said, I was older but not wiser. Listen when a man tells you that he doesn't want to get married and you still stay with him for three more years, you are an idiot and should get fitted for a hearing aid. I think there are some men that do change their minds but that was not the case with this particular candidate and eventually he was "let go".
 
So where does that leave me...a cynical, bitter, lonely old maid? Absolutely not! It just means that along with spiders, I have a fear of marriage. I believe in marriage-my parents have been married for over thirty-five years-I'm just afraid I will screw it up. I think I know more divorced people than married (and notice I didn't say happily married because that's even less). I know people who've been married three times to my none. And while I get it, I get it, their situations are very different from my own it still leaves me with a queasy, uneasy feeling. When people ask me, "When are you going to get married?" or "Why aren't you married?", I really don't feel like they want to hear a true explanation, cause they really don't. But thinking about it, I mean why were you single before you got married uh, was it because you weren't married? Well that's why I'm still single- I ain't married. My bad, lost it for a minute...so I just say, "I've never been asked" or my new favorite reply, "I'm crazy".
 
I know that when the time comes, I'll still be afraid, but hopefully my candidate for the position of groom will be patient with me and calm my fears. He will know that while I am fearful, I am a willing and gracious candidate. Plus he, like me, won't want to muck this thing up.
 
And if that doesn't happen...I'll buy a rancher style house, move in three of my good girlfriends, we can eat lots of cheesecake and stay up all night talking about life and men.
 

Thursday, March 13, 2014

America been "crazy".


Why do we say things like “Man, this world is going crazy” or (and for the intent of this entry) “America is getting crazy”?

Um…where yall been? America aint “getting” crazy- it’s always been crazy. It’s just with the CONSTANT stream of the news (proven or not) and Instagram and Twitter and Facebook and the church bulletin, we can’t help but to hear about EVERY little thing thus making us believe that these things are “new”.  

The term “Going Postal” wasn’t a campaign to get people to use the post office. It was derived from postal workers going into their place of employment and shooting up everyone and everything.
This was in the late 80’s and darn near all of the 90’s. Is this not crazy? Is this about twenty years ago? I guess we just "getting" to the good and crazy? 

America is like the world’s rich, douchy uncle that has a cocaine problem but everyone ignores it because he gives out great Christmas presents. You don’t fully appreciate America until you leave it and come back. Oh you think you appreciate it, but you don’t because you complain about things like, the water pressure in your house (indoor plumbing) or the fact that KFC ran out of chicken (fast food…money to BUY fast food). We complain about people coming to the country and not being about to speak the language and then go to OTHER countries and get mad because you can’t find anything in English *blank stare*. We really don’t care about what is going on in other countries. In fact if you having a conversation with someone and they utter the words “Well, in my country” you secretly think to yourself- hey if you don’t like it here-leave. But isn’t this the land of the free, ya know Free speech.
 
**I'd like to note that if none of these example apply to you...so what. I can still say them...see below.
 
Free speech in the country means you can say whatever you want as long as it aligns with my opinion.
Free speech in other countries means oh wait, in some countries people aren’t granted the privilege to speak freely. Moving on. 

Here’s the thing Even during the time everyone likes to romanticize and say oh “America was such a great country during this time” (usually anytime during the Reagan years and before Carter)…America still had its issues. And that’s just it- Americas got issues (and yes I know about the gramatically errors in the 'sentence' and throughout this entire piece but I don't care, I'm channelling my inner Elmore Leonard).
 
Oh we (America) got talent and a best dance crew and an idol but in the mist of all of that- we gots us some issues. And these issues aren't new- they are just compounded and/or evolving.
 
In a way, it's the nature of the beast. Things evolve. Things change. The question we should ask is, how can we change the "beast"? We can't stop evolution but can we change What evolves? How it evolves? Hmm, I got deeper than I wanted to on this entry...imma stop now.
 
 

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

A Bogus War

Raise your hand iffn you don’t think…we (excuse me, I am talking to be Black women right now, I'm sorry but today I gotta talk to them, I'll be back. I promise) are at war. 

Good! Because I don’t either. I just think it’s levels to this ish. Confused? Good because so am I.

I am talking about this battle between “Natural” and “Chemically Relaxed” women! 
I mean it’s ridiculous. First of all, I still don’t know how you are natural and you chemically color your hair but that is another subject...no shade.

Here's the thing.

For those who claim “natural hair is so much easier” – You ma’am (or sir) are a LIAR!!! I am currently “courting” natural hair and I don’t think we are going to work out. I mean it’s just a bunch of work and commitment that I am not willing to make right now. I mean my chemically relaxed hair was such a better listener. If I said “LAY DOWN” guess what she did…lie down. When I was ready to go to sleep she was ready to go to sleep. When I was ready to go to sleep…she was ready to go to sleep. I had to say that twice because “natural hair” don’t be ready to lay down, when you ready to lie down. I mean it’s like it wants foreplay or something. Always wanting you to twist it up. Or knot it up. Oil it up- getting it all glistening and shiny. Whew lemme calm down. I had a flashback.

For those who claim “natural hair is so much cheaper”- You ma’am (or sir) are a LIAR!! If I decide to “date” natural hair I know I’m going to have to invite so many other products in our life. Products that she may OR may not even like (this heffa here). She gonna want me to know all about her curl pattern. Which product makes her dry out (no alcohol based products please). And this heffa is going to be all up in my diet because that’s gonna matter now. Vitamins. Water. Nuts and Berries. My chemically relaxed hair- she care about that stuff but not really. I mean she wants be to drink water and maybe take a biotin every now and then but she don’t be tripping.

If you are rocking a bald fade or a Cesar then of course I am not talking to you so you can shhh-be quiet.

Here is the thing- everyone doesn't want to go natural and for whatever reason you had to go “natural”- Congratufreakinlations to you- but it doesn't mean you care more about your hair, body, or soul than a “chemically relaxed” sister. 

I remember when a woman rocking a fade was seen as weird. My mother has been rocking the same hairstyle for about 15 years. I can remember those years ago, when she decided to cut all her hair off, many barbers wouldn't do it. Plus I can recall on several occasions, where women came up to her saying “You are going to beat this!”- yes they thought she had the big “C”. Now it’s commonplace. 

India Irie said “I am not my hair” but I think she was right but wrong because we are our hair. I can sing along to that song and even make up a dance routine but at the end of the day- I'm not about to jump square off in no pool. Beach. Lake. Well really it's because I don't swim that well but you get my point. 
We let our hair control just about every decision we make no matter what side of the fence you are on. 
So let’s call a truce between the “natural” and “chemically relaxed” and realize the real culprit-our hair.

Now wait, I’m not saying go out to your nearest barber or have your husband, boyfriend, or Dad (he wouldn’t do it) shave all your hair off.

What I am saying is stop letting your hair define who you are. You are more than locks. You are more than a wrap. You are more than an afro. You are more than that fly ass pixie cut.
You are a mother. Daughter. Sister. A Friend.
And this separation about how we choose to rock our hair, has got to end.
Find something you love- remember it’s for you.
If your sister does something different simply say “do you boo”.
We are all beautiful, sexy and fly.

Besides, it’s gonna rot away when we die. 

Friday, September 27, 2013

www.wherearethemen.com

Where are the men?

Isn’t this a conversation girlfriends have at least once a month?
Every two weeks?
Shoot from some of us every week.
I dare not say everyday.

So where are they? They have been several theories as to why women are single- especially black women. Too picky, too judgmental, too crazy, too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too much drama, too mean, too loud, too- too-too mutha effing too…what is a woman to do?

I can name five beautiful, great, terrific women, right now, that are single. These women aren’t just single, these women aren’t dating- no prospects…single. And it has me confused. On paper and yes I said on paper, these women have it going on. Their own place some even homeowners, career or great jobs (there is a difference), degree holders or college students. They have good credit, good personalities; just good catches all around but still single.
Now I would be remiss if I didn’t say that each one didn’t have issues they were dealing with, but who doesn’t? Show me someone that doesn’t have any issues and I will say to you “hey you do know we are standing in a cemetery right” (meaning these folks are dead so of course they don’t have any issues).

Sometimes I wonder, if I was a guy…first off, I’d have a lot of explaining to do-sorry…would I be one that wanted to enjoy the fact that there are just so many women at my disposal or would I be like the female me and want to be in a loving relationship.

I honestly think men have it so much easier when it comes to getting into a relationship and I’m sure there are men that disagree with me but I can’t help how I feel. I just do.

So back to my opening question where are the men? And honest question- what is a guy looking for in a potential mate? I know that preferences and tastes change from person to person but I think most women want the same basic thing; a man who is a good person, honest, has all his teeth, smells nice, easy on the eyes, and has a nice personality. I’m sure this sounds like a thirteen year old wrote it…probably because that when we start thinking about what a boyfriend should be like.

While I do not endorse his newfound relationship guru status, Steve Harvey constantly says on his show that a woman holds all the cards in a relationship. She is the one that sets the tone. She has to let the guy know what she will deal with or not deal with and if he can’t hang then she needs to move on. I find this pretty interesting coming from a twice divorced guy…but I guess the third time is a charm. Now lets say that all that is true that still doesn’t mean that a woman will find her ideal mate which leads me to another piece of advice Mr. Harvey offered…don’t be so selective and perhaps date older. I would like to go on record and say just because a guy is older than you DOES not mean that he has his shit together. And what exactly is selective. I think if I said my ideal mate would be 6’6, one hazel eye, one brown, looked like Boris Kodjoe, could cook like that Neeley guy, and made six figures-that would constitute as unrealistic standards because where would I meet this guy…surely not in the places my extremely less than six figures earning ass frequent. I mean unless this guy likes the $1.50 movie.

I’d like to note that many men frequent the $1.50 movie theater but these men typically are trying to compete for homecoming king.


Where are the men, well I don't know. So let the search begin…to be continued. 

Thinking about the Grammys (or is it Grammy's)

On December 6th   Grammy nominees will be announced.
*The cutoff to qualify for 2014 is September 30th.
Okay taking these dates into consideration Oct 1, 2012- Sept 30, 2013
Who do you think will or should receive a nomination and in what category?

Here are a few select observations…

If Justin Timberlake doesn't at least get one nomination, I really believe people will riot (lol).
I do wonder if he’ll choose the R&B category or the Pop category to submit his entries-hmmm.
You have to believe that "Mirrors" might be up for Record or Song of the Year.
And I'm telling you if "Blurred Lines" doesn’t end up in either one of those categories Robin Thicke will sue the Academy (kidding love you Robin). 
Suit and Tie and Holy Grail (JT & Jay Z) will probably compete against one another in the Rap/Sung Collaboration category.

The R&B album category -TGT might even make a showing in this category. Let’s be honest, R&B albums come out all the time but who even knows the joint dropped? Tamar Braxton and K Michelle might duke it out in this category. I would be surprised if “Love and War” didn’t get into the Best R&B song category.
Last year there were 3 nominations for this Best Urban Contemporary Album category (Frank Ocean, Chris Brown & Miguel)…I still have no idea what Urban Contemporary means (even after reading the explanation) but I do wonder this "will the category make a reappearance". The academy also has a Best Traditional R&B Performance and again…I wonder.
I think Fantasia might get a nod for that #imo horrible “Lose to Win”.

I have found a new "Street Team" so if you don’t have Janelle Monae’s album "Electric Lady" you need to go and get it. NOW! And while it is critically acclaimed, I still haven’t heard any songs from it on the radio soooo...I wonder if she’ll receive a well deserved Grammy nod.

Best Rap Album is gonna be very interesting. People “hated” Magna Carter Holy Grail but it was a good album (perhaps not Jay’s best but still solid) so in my opinion, this year might be the year of the “underdog”.
Kanye’s Yezzus might not even make it in this category (Blood on the Leaves might show up in best Rap song) so expect to hear his disdain about this-lol.
J Cole and Kendrick Lamar both released great albums. 2 Chainz might end up in the category again this year- but he won’t win. Mac Miller might received a surprise nod or even Big Sean.
Even though it didn’t sell as much as his previous efforts, T.I. might even receive a nod (?).

Whew and I haven’t even scratched the surface of all the different categories. I don’t envy the academy (well maybe for their tickets to the award show and the after parties) because it’s so much. Plus there is so much music out there! Music that we don’t know about! I know the Grammy's has gotten pretty stale over the past few years. I could do without LL Cool J as the host too but this is still music’s big night. Wild outfits. Colorful speeches. Or is it wild speeches and colorful outfits? Either way we'll just have to stay tuned and find out what happens.