Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Let's Take Dip

How do you get into a pool? 
Falling in love

I find that you could use how people get into a pool as an example of how people treat love...like jumping into the deep end of the pool, head first like an Olympic diver. You have the "Cannonball"! Or the "step off". For some, these approaches works..uh for me not so much (but hey no judgement). I'm more of a sit on the side of the pool, dip my feet in the water and then slide (seductively) into the pool. No better, no worse but this approach works for me.

"See the walls I have up, are really more for your protection". I place them there because once I bring them down and you infiltrate my world and my heart- I have this crazy expectation of you not hurting me. I know right- it's crazy. 

You spend x amount of time, trying to get to know me (and I, you). We rap about life and our personal history. We share fears and desires and even recipes. I tell you about the time I peed on myself from laughing so hard...and you laugh. You tell me about the time your brother went to prison...and I shed a quiet tear and a word of encouragement. We develop a routine and with each new experience, another piece of my wall comes down. I also feel as though the wall that you placed up, is also breaking down. I let you know that, I would never intentionally hurt you. You assure me of the same. 

I'm in the pool. I didn't jump in but I made it in.
The water is all around me and I sink lower and lower. 
Almost completely submerged except my eyes haven't made it underwater- yet. 
I want them too. I want to let go and "drown" in your love but I don't. 
My entire body is there. My heart is saying "let go. Come on in, the water is fine" but my eyes...they refuse to go under. 

See my eyes know the truth (perhaps because of my brain) and I see trouble. 
My heart says let it go and but my eyes make me pay attention. They show me, what I need to see (damn).
Not today maybe not even tomorrow but soon enough my heart will see- what my eyes saw. 
Then my heart will feel- what my eyes saw.
Then that wall, that you meticulously chipped away will be replaced-for your protection. 
Not mine. 

Then I will return to my seat, on the side of the pool, waiting for the right time to dip my foot in or maybe the next time- I'll do a cannonball.

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